People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built."-Eleanor Roosevelt

When I started this journey, never did I think I'd be sharing my experience in front of 1500 people. 😁😁

I thought it all went pretty well until my 7 year old son told me "It was a little long, mom."  The scary thing is, kids often speak the truth. I'll keep it mind for another time, maybe when Ellen invited me on to share....

Thank you for this honour today. There’s no place I’d rather be than with this great group of volunteers dedicated to supporting men and women with breast cancer and helping The Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation raise funds for research.  I am certain, that because of the advancements made in treatments, I can stand here and share my story today. 

 

Two years ago, to this day, I was making an appointment to see my doctor about a sore left breast. But I wasn’t worried about it because I had seen her 4 months prior for a check-up, examination, and mammogram for some pain I was experiencing.  The mammogram was clear but stated that I had dense breasts and should continue monitoring. She and I agreed to do this and I carried on with life as a busy teacher and mother of two young boys.  

 

As it turned to fall, I was experiencing some changes that I felt were possibly a part of early menopause.  When my husband said to me, “Something is not right here, I want you here forever”, I knew it was time to investigate it further.  By the time I got my appointment, my breast had been swelling daily. 

But still, I was sure it was nothing serious. I was under the assumption that my super-teacher immunity at 37 years of age, my active lifestyle through sport and exercise, my disinterest in smoking, and the fact that I had no cancer in my family kept me pretty safe from anything crazy, like breast cancer.  However, within another 3 weeks of my second mammogram I was told I had a 9 cm cancerous tumour, the size of my fist, and would need to begin the tests to see if it had spread.  I will never forget that day and the following weeks. Sheer panic. Numerous tears. An army of thoughts and questions. A multitude of phone calls and emails.  Innumerable sleepless nights. And countless prayers.

 

The next 2 years included 17 sessions of Chemotherapy, 25 sessions of radiation, 4 surgeries, 5 emergency room visits, 186 physiotherapy and rehab appointments, and 39 doctor visits.  And still, after all that, I’m not sure if I get more looks of sympathy for being a cancer survivor or a grade 8 teacher!!??   

 

Thankfully, some of the same attitudes and attributes it takes to teach middle years, are also useful for taking on cancer. The only thing I ever wanted to do with my life was be a teacher.  Like all teachers, it’s always been important to me to be a positive role model. And that was no different for me the week I had to tell my students, family, and friends that I had cancer and would have to start my treatments, immediately. The last thing a teacher wants to do is cause fear and sadness amongst a group of kids she dedicates most of her life to, but that is what I had to do. I knew I had to do my best to show my students, my friends, and my family that overcoming cancer, although terrifying, was achievable. 

 

I was certain, for many of my students and friends, I would be the first person in their life with cancer, so it was important to me to show them I could face it with strength and courage. I wanted to show them no matter what gets thrown at you, when you surround yourself with good people, they will help you get through anything, and be there with you through it all, no matter what. And, I wanted to show them that it’s ok to shed tears when you’re scared, sad, frustrated, confused, and overwhelmed but, you have to pick yourself up, put one foot in front of the other, and face the challenges in front of you head on.

 

I’m so grateful that after going through the last two years fighting stage 3, HER 2 + breast cancer, I’m slowly returning to my responsibilities and routines as a mother, wife, friend and teacher.  It, of course, has not been without sacrifices and efforts on the part of myself, my family and friends, and the healthcare team at the Allen Blair and Pasqua Hospital. I have endured a lot of physical and emotional pain due to chemotherapy, double mastectomy, lymphnode removal, tissue damage from radiation, failed reconstruction, and lymphedema.  My husband and family have handled so many daily responsibilities when I was unable to: caring for our boys, cleaning, cooking, driving me to and from appointments, spending hundreds of hours in waiting rooms and hospital rooms.  Friends and colleagues have dropped off meals, care packages, gifts, and treats.  Health care workers at the Allen Blair and Pasqua Hospital have provided treatments, medicines, surgeries, physiotherapy, back rubs, and hugs that have exceeded anything I could have expected.…. 

And thanks to all of these efforts by all of these people that I consider to be a part of TEAM RATHERBSHOPPING – I am an example that breast cancer treatments helps save lives.

 

Despite, my success, I am very aware of the brave men and women living day by day, and scan by scan. Trying to live the best lives they can, every day, while hoping to stay alive to see a cure for the cancer that has spread beyond their breast.  I’m also very aware that many of you are here to honour friends and family that approached breast cancer with the same attitudes and attributes I spoke of, but are notable to be here to share their stories. And that is why I am up here today, to show my support and respect for all that you have gone through as well as to honour the courageousness and the fight all of you have shown through the challenges you faced with breast cancer, yourself, and with loved ones.  A person can do everything right, and still not survive this deadly disease. I’ve been thrust into a community of people with cancer, and I’ve seen them do all the things I’ve mentioned and more, and still not survive it. And, that makes facing each day pretty scary for me and sad and frustrating for those of you who watched someone you love, struggle and suffer with this disease.  

For all of these reasons, it is necessary for us to continue to support The Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation so they can advocate for research and education on behalf of all people diagnosed with breast cancer in the past and in the future. There are over 24,000 Canadian people a year counting on us to continue to support this foundation as well as all of us wearing these pink shirts here today. So much has been learned but there is still so much more to find out.

But for today, let’s all take satisfaction in knowing that together, we are changing the face of breast cancer. Thank you for giving your time, your money, and your efforts.

 

If you’re going to be passionate about something, be passionate about learning.

If you’re going to fight for something, fight for those in need.

If you’re going to question something, question authority.

If you’re going to lose something, lose your inhibitions.

If you’re going to gain something, gain respect and confidence.

And if you’re going to hate something, hate the false idea that you are not capable of your dreams.

'Life kicks you around sometimes. It scares you and beats you up, but there's a day when you'll realize you're not just a survivor you're a warrior you're tough."

Hi. Reporting in after my fat grafting surgery yesterday. All went well. My physiotherapist got to scrub in and be apart of it. So she was able to tell me everything. She is excited about all that she learned and excited that the surgeon and intern surgeon actually asked her a lot of questions and learned a few things also. I am the first patient of Tracy's to have fat grafting to help with mobility and regenerate some healthy tissue amongst the fried up radiated tissue. So everyone is learning a lot from me! I'm feeling much better than I thought I would which is comforting. I'm very dizzy so can't move far but pain is managed with all my drugs. 

Tracy was very shocked at the invasiveness and aggressiveness of the procedure and is happy I'm able to manage the pain. I have 10 puncture holes that are stitched up. I will have a check up in a week. 

I found out the reason Dr. Chang got me in so quick was because he got back to work from holidays last week and found out that breast cancer patients would no longer receive coverage for this procedure because, in their minds, it is cosmetic. 

So this brings up an issue because I need 2 or 3 of these to receive the most benefits. Tracy and I will be working together to help me get the coverage to complete the fat grafting but also for every breast cancer patient to have the opportunity of this procedure if they need it. 

I'm thinking I will be able to head back to work around October 1 but we will see. We want to handle this with extreme caution and make sure I'm ready. 

I'm going to have a million dollar body - literally very soon! Below is a bit of info about the procedure. 

http://www.plasticsurgery.org/news/past-press-releases/2012-archives/technique-provides-new-option-for-breast-reconstruction-after-radiation-therapy.html

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." - Søren Kierkegaard

I know it's been a very long time since I've shared updates on here... Which doesn't mean there's not been anything happening. 

February to May has been spent dealing with reconstruction that has gone quite poorly, unfortunately. My body rejected the expander on my radiated side and caused a ton of pain.  I had multiple infections which got me a 5 different antibiotics and a stay in the hospital with a surgery to remove it. A great team of physiotherapists is spending lots of physio to try to get my arm back moving and my scar tissue loosened up. A very slow process that is not getting the results we had hoped for by now. 

After some discussion, I'm now scheduled for a procedure that will hopefully help break up the scar tissue. It should be done in September some time. Ill post more details as it comes up. 

I had the great honour and privilege this past week of being the guest speaker at Pilot Butte School's grade 8 Farewell. I shared some thoughts about my experience with cancer and my hopes for the grade 8's as they entered high school. After some encouragement, I decided to share it on this dusty old blog.  

Good evening Pilot Butte Families, friends, teachers, and Grade 8 students.

It is such an honor to stand up here and share in this celebratory night with all of you. I’m here this evening to offer congratulations to the grade 8’s as they end their time at Pilot Butte School and get ready for a new life at high school! Don’t they look so lovely, all cleaned up?!

Grade 8’s, take a second to find your mom or dad in the audience and take a look at the smile on their faces. Despite some bumps and challenges along the way, they are super proud of you tonight! You’ve put in a lot of effort and hard work to complete your elementary education.  And, parents, you have hung in there, too! You should also be proud of yourselves!  Raising kids is not easy, its part joy, and part guerilla warfare. But you did it Mom and Dad! Way to go!   These kids up here know how much you do for them, and really do appreciate it.  

 

 

In fact Mr. Wiebe overheard Sydney and Austin talking one day at school.  

Sydney was heard, saying “I’m really worried.  My dad works 12 hours a day to give me a nice home and food on the table!”

“My mom spends the whole day teaching and then comes home to do dishes, and laundry…I’m worried sick!”  

Austin asked, “What are you worried about?  It sounds like you have it made?!”

Sydney replied. “What if one of them tries to escape??!”

 

Well, It’s been a while since I’ve stood in front of a large group and tried to share a cohesive, thoughtful message that is meaningful yet entertaining. Sobear with me… I attempted to search out ideas for some inspiration: you tube videos, song lyrics, Ted Talks , top 10 lists… and then I realized…Iguess I was supposed to use my story for a bit of the inspiration…  I kind offorget that my life and my choices may be considered worthy of sharingthese days.  

The last year and a half has been an adventure and although it caused me to miss out on teaching this wonderful group of students, I got here today,relatively healthy and happy and able to wish them well in their new adventures at high school. Last year at this point, I was not well enough to attend the grade 8 farewell to say good-bye to the grade 8’s I had to leave so suddenly when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, but I’m very grateful to stand here today and share some thoughts after overcoming the biggest challenge of my life.

After having gone through the crazy experience of 17 sessions of intensive Chemotherapy, 2 surgeries, 25 sessions of radiation, 156 physiotherapy and rehab appointments, I’m still not sure if I get more looks of sympathy when I tell people I’m a cancer survivor or that I teach grade 8! Little did Iknow, that the same attitudes and attributes it takes to teach middle years, isalso useful for beating cancer!?  That darn disease didn’t stand a chanceagainst someone who can call attention to 30 fourteen year olds and actually get them to follow through with the majority of the expectations while keeping them relatively safe and happy!

Like every career, there is some pretty trying moments as a middle yearsteacher. Some days where you are wondering if you are really making the impact you intended?  But as long as the positive experiences outweigh the negatives, you know you’ve chosen the right age to work with every day.  Mr. Wiebe, Mr. Forster and I could go on and on about the positive aspects of teaching grade 8, but I’ll share what we love most about teaching this grade….

 

 

They are eager to learn

They are willing to be directed

They are diverse and interesting

They have tons of energy- from 11am-11pm

Most of them love school

You never know what will come out of their mouths next

They want to fit in but also do well

They have great personalities

They are potty trained

They love new ideas

They have great conversation skills

They have good manners….generally

They make us laugh all the time

And along with this list, the very best thing part about teaching grade 8 students is: JULY AND AUGUST!

 

It is all of these aspects of this grade 8 group that prompted Mr. Wiebe andMr.Foster, as well as all of their teachers along the way, to help motivate, inspire, and encourage this group to do their very best each and every day. Teachers really do want to be known for more than contributing to the depletion of the rain forest, or being control freaks….they mostly want to be known as positive role models.  They want students to see that all the attributes they are constantly preaching about, really will make a difference in their life. And that was no different for me the day I had to tell the students at Pilot Butte School that I had cancer and would have to leaveimmediately to start my treatments.   The last thing a teacher wants to do is cause fear and sadness amongst a group of kids she dedicates most of her life to, but that is what I had to do. I vowed to them that day that although I couldn’t guarantee anything, I was going to do my best to show them that overcoming cancer, although terrifying, is achievable. I knew, for most of them, I would be the first person in their life with cancer. And it was important to me, to show them I could face it and conquer it.  I wanted to show them no matter what gets thrown at you, if you surround yourself with good people, they will help you get through all the bad stuff, and be there with you at the end to celebrate and pat you on the back. And, I wanted to show them that it’s ok to shed tears when you’re scared, sad, frustrated, confused, and overwhelmed but regardless, you have to pick yourself up, put one foot in front of the other, and face the challenge in front of you head on.    

Hopefully, from this example I tried to set, students will face theiradversities in the future with some confidence, no matter how big or small.  I don’t pretend to have made all the right choices.  There is no perfect recipe for handling the tough stuff life throws at you. And sometimes, a person can do everything right, and still not come out on top.  I’ve been thrust into a community of people with cancer, and I’ve seen women do all things I’ve mentioned and still not survive it. And, that makes facing each day a little scary.  Once you’ve had this terrible disease in your body, you can spend a lot of time wondering if it’s going to rear its ugly head at you again?  There are times my mind starts to wonder about the WHAT IF’S… But really all I can do is be mindful of the moment I’m in.  Tell myself I’m good today and carry on.  My husband and I always remind each other of  what our Pastortold us on our wedding day, and that is : like the geography of our country, life is going to have its peaks and valleys, its successes and failures. There’sgoing to be days of standing on top of the highest snow covered mountain peaks, days of strolling along the flat, old prairies, and days of treading water in the deepest, coldest ocean.  And whether, you’re 14, 34, or 64, you want to find a way to make it through all of those aspects of life, learn something from the experience and know you’ve done everything you could, in those moments to be successful.

So grade 8’s,  You’ve made it through the peaks and valleys of elementary school. Hopefully, you’ve learned a few things along the way, and feel good about what you’ve accomplished while you’ve been here, just as I have this last year.   All of our hopes today, grade 8’s, is that you continue to growand learn as you experience all that high school has to offer and handle everything that gets thrown at you.  My high school experience is one of great memories.  Some bumps, yes, but I learned so much and had so much fun.  I still have the same dream about high school…it will be a flash of a few days rolling along one after the other of classes, and lunches, and assignments.  And all I want to do in my dream is get through the day so I can get to the gym for basketball practice.  I always wake up happy remembering how much I loved the competition, being a part of a team and wearing the school name with pride. I truly hope you can find something at your high school that helps you feel included and motivates you to excel to your very best, like basketball did for me. And some other advice, while I have you attention:

 

1)Don't be afraid to make new friends. There are many people who share the same interests as you and are seeking a friend to share that interest with. As you make new friends, be critical of who you spend your time with. You will know fairly quickly if they share your same values.

2) Join an interesting club or sport. High school is the time to try new things, and luckily your school will haveso much to offer! Joining a club or sport is also a great way to meet people!

3) Your teachers are there to help you. High school teachers want to make sure you clearly understand the material, and are feeling comfortable and safe. No one can help you if you don’t speak up.

4) Keep communicating with your parents! If you willingly share how your day was, who you’re hanging out with, and what your plans are – they might quit asking so often!  I remember feeling so annoyed at my dad firing endless questions at me the minute I walked in the door.  But it is your parents job to know what’s going on, so keep them in the loop, and save yourself the barrage of questions.

5) Have fun! I cannot stress this enough! High school is supposed to be some of your greatest moments in life! Live it and love it to the fullest every day!

Parents, I considered giving you some advice on the best ways to parent teenagers in high school, but I realized that wouldn’t be right. I haven’t been in your shoes yet.  But I do congratulate you for getting this far.  Parenting, I have learned, is definitely the hardest job out there.  Like many parents, my husband and I do the best we can, hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money for our kids therapy..

So best of luck to you!  I’ll be coming to you for advice one day in a few years – so take notes!

 

Thank you for this lovely honour tonight.  There’s no place I’d rather be than with this great group of kids in this fantastic school with my colleagues and friends.  Grade 8’s as you carry through the years, surround yourself with good, quality people and continue one step at a time to prove to yourself that you, too, can face any challenge in front of you.

 

If you’re going to be passionate about something, be passionate aboutlearning.

If you’re going to fight for something, fight for those in need.

If you’re going to question something, question authority.

If you’re going to lose something, lose your inhibitions.

If you’re going to gain something, gain respect and confidence.

And if you’re going to hate something, hate the false idea that you are not capable of your dreams.

 

 

 

 

“Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more.” ~ Anthony Robbins

A year and a half ago, my world changed with a stage 3 breast cancer diagnosis at 37 years old. I had no idea what the days following would look like for myself and my family. The thought of having cancer was absolutely mind blowing and terrifying. 

Thankfully, I felt very supported from my medical team and my friends and family. My treatment plan was successful and throughout my experience, much support was also offered by other breast cancer survivors I met along the way. They were always willing to tell their stories and answer my questions, share a laugh and give advice. I kept promising myself, once I was through this, I would do the same to support others but wasn't really sure how that would look. Thankfully, two very dynamic health care professionals, who are a big part of Regina's breast cancer community, gave me the perfect opportunity. 

They told us about the Rethink group and gave us the option to start our own local chapter. The response from our "youngish" breast cancer community was positive and sincere. We all wanted the same thing : To support others with breast cancer while staying on top of our own health. We leaped at the chance to be apart of a successfully established support group and were eager to follow their lead but grateful to be able to focus it to our own specific needs.  Live. Laugh. Learn. Three words that now hold a special meaning for young breast cancer survivors in Regina and area.

As a committee member, I was pretty proud of our first session on Mindfulness presented by Joanne Frederick. Everyone took on a small role to have everything ready and organized and I think it all went so smoothly because each of us handled our responsibilities very well. It was especially nice to have Stephanie from Rethink join us to help with the start up and lead us through our launch.

As an attendee to Regina's first Live Laugh Learn, I left Sunday's session with a feeling of contentment and  a very positive outlook. Joanne, a good friend to the breast cancer community, always enlightens us and imparts useful strategies to help us be strong and practical during and after cancer diagnosis. I was very intrigued by Joanne's topic of Mindfulness. I took away two questions I can ask myself when I'm experiencing anxiety about my future and not living in the moment. The first is, "Am I ok right now?"  This helps to be mindful of the present and not get overwhelmed by the What If's..?floating around in my head. And if the answer to that question is "No. I'm not ok right now.", then I need to ask, "Can I handle it?"  If I'm in pain or overwhelmed and can't handle it, I need to surround myself  with whatever I need to deal with it. I can honestly say I've been using this technique since the presentation and it has made a world of difference in my anxiety levels. 

We also had some time to enjoy tea and treats while talking with each other. Although many of us were just meeting for the first time, we had lots to talk about and share with each other. The opportunity to be able to talk with women of a similar age that have also had a breast cancer diagnosis created a feeling of camaraderie and support that will only get stronger as we continue to meet. And thanks to Rethink, we now have that opportunity. We have a great group of ladies that are committed to being there for one another and to planning sessions where each of us can continue to Live Laugh and Learn for many days to come. Thanks to Tracy and Jenna for getting us started, and the Rethink team for being so welcoming and supportive. 😀

I hated every minute of training, but I said, 'Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.' Muhammad Ali

Hi Everyone! Happy New Year!

Congratulations for making it through the toughest, longest, coldest month!

I wanted to say hello and update you where I'm at in this roller coaster ...

Although my radiation ended in October, the side effects are just peaking now. It really messes up the scar tissue causing alot of discomfort. It  is also causing the first stages of lymphadema, also known as lymphatic obstruction, a condition of localized fluid retention and tissue swelling. Tissues with lymphedema are at risk of infection. When lymph nodes are removed, as 10 of mine were, there is a complex recovery. I'm going to rehab and Physio 5 times a week, and I sit on a pump 3 times a week that helps to get the fluid moving. My lymphadema is treatable at this stage but if it gets to a certain stage, it is not reversible. So my team is working hard to help keep it under control as well as get my arm back in use.  

I have 2 more treatments left of a therapy I'm taking called Herceptin. I take it at the chemo clinic every 3 weeks through intravenous. It helps to kill any left over cancer cells, and reduce the chance of the cancer returning. It is very hard on the heart. And although the function of my heart is weakening, it looks like Ill be able to complete the treatment. With rest and time, my heart can repair itself but in the meantime it greatly affects my energy level. 

Physically my body is slowly recovering and as far as we know the cancer is gone. YAY! Even though my body handled everything very well, it was a very aggressive chemo and will take some time to leave my body. 

Now that I'm slowly recovering physically, there's some emotional and mental recovery to happen. I know I don't need to tell you how overwhelming this has all been for myself and my family. We are just taking some time to catch our breath and enjoy some time together. I'm apart of a wonderful support group and going through some counselling to help handle my fears and concerns for the future and what it will look like. I am very hopeful life will return to a new normal but its very scary understanding now the type of cancer I had and what the future may hold. 

I'm working hard to rest, be positive, and recover fully so I can return to work confidently and able to handle all of the physical and emotional challenges and remain healthy.  Although I miss it terribly, I'm focussing on myself and my family, which I know you'll agree is what I need to do for now. 

I will hopefully have a back to work plan for September depending how the reconstruction aspects go. I started that process Monday with the first fill of the temporary implants which will start stretching the skin to create room for regular implants. Pretty sore the first 48 hrs but feeling less pain today. Being in pain since June's surgery is getting a little tiresome. I was just starting to feel a bit better and now the fills have started the pain all over again.  Ill get a fill about every 6 weeks until we're happy with what we see. 

I plan to get back to my blog regularly for anyone who is interested in reading... 

"Breast cancer isn't all boob jobs and marijuana." - Jordana B.

I am two thirds complete with radiation therapy, and couldn't be happier!! Travelling everyday to the hospital is a little much sometimes. My skin is holding up fairly well but I am definitely feeling the fatigue. I cannot wait until this treatment is done. Luckily I listened to a friend who told me to keep my schedule clear into my fourth week so that I could rest during the last days of radiation...

Although most of my days are spent at rehab, radiation, and physio, any extra time has been spent preparing for Run for the Cure. I am so grateful for the support my teammates are giving me by joining my team. And I am amazed at the financial generosity of so many friends and family. I really do hope the money will one day lead to a cure so this terrible disease is gone forever very soon. 

Thank you to everyone who has supported in my honour. We will walk together in support of many many brave ladies!! (One of which provided this post's introductory quote. I giggle about it everyday since she shared it:)

Run for the Cure, for Chantel

Loni here. If you know me at all, you know I generally abhor fundraising efforts completely. I would rather just pay up front and not suffer through the hassle of shaking down friends and thereby getting shaken down by them in ten-fold return in the future. However, this isn't a cause that you can just "pay up front" for like some sort of league fees or play structure.

People have to get engaged with the breast cancer cause and realize it is growing at an aggressive rate.

CIBC and Run for the Cure have done a fantastic job of getting the run and the fundraising effort in our faces at every turn. It can be a bit much, I know. But through all the emails, facebook statuses, tweets and requests for donations, at the very least I hope a few people take the time to gain a better understanding of breast cancer. Its hitting closer and closer to home for everyone, daily, and we have to take some sort of action to figure out what's going on and how we can stop it. Kudos to CIBC for "owning the cause" and rallying people's support. Hopefully the funds go towards finding the root cause of this disease and stopping it in its tracks.

Ultimately, my participation is for my amazing wife Chantel who is closer and closer to being a breast cancer alumni. I look at this event as just another step away from breast cancer and towards a normal life for her again. Its been cute watching her get all excited about the amount of people joining her team and how well everyone is doing in gathering support. Normally I wouldn't have anything to do with an event with "Run" in the title, but for her...I'll do it.

I hope you choose to participate or support Chantel, myself, or any one of the many teammates on her Team Ratherbshopping. Here is the link, if you choose to donate: Team Ratherbshopping

Thanks for reading. Later.
LK

Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. ~James Matthew Barrie

Into week two of radiation - so far so good. Side effects aren't expected to start happening until week three. As the radiation gets deeper, I may have some redness, itching, peeling of the skin and fatigue. I've met a lot of ladies who got through radiation with very little side effects so I'm hoping for the same. 

I'm making a real effort to eat healthy and  regularly as well as get regular exercise to help combat any fatigue coming my way. Hopefully that will help get me through this stage smoothly. My energy level is not at full capacity but I'm definitely seeing improvement. 

My days are regularly  filled with rehab, physiotherapy, and radiation - often all three in the day. I go from one to the other and then head home for a nap before the boys get home from school.  Our evenings are filling with martial arts, gymnastics, and hockey. It is nice to feel well enough to be able to be a part of these things. I'm grateful for my slow but steady recovery. 

“The punishment of every disordered mind is its own disorder.” ― Augustine of Hippo

Thinking of all my friends and colleagues today meeting their new students. There's nothing more exciting than meeting your new class and messing up that nice clean classroom. I'm very sad to be missing out on that but my focus for this start of the year is on my own son. I'm going to cherish the opportunity to be able to take him to his first day of grade 1 which would never have happened if I wasn't at home. 

My eagerness to start radiation caused me to misunderstand my appointment date. I will begin this Friday- for real. ;)

It took me a long time, but I don't feel as anxious about stupid things anymore - or perhaps they've just been replaced by more complicated stupid things." - Neil Finn

I finally have the green light for radiation!! I'm all tattooed up and ready for lazering to begin! Tomorrow will be my first treatment of radiation. I'm a little anxious about what it's going to be like. How it's going to affect my skin, and how it's going to affect the fluid in my arm where lymph nodes were taken out. These are the areas of concern but not much we can do about it. It'll be what it'll be. My awesome team of physiotherapists at the Pasqua are ready to help me through it. What wonderful ladies I've met there. Tracey and Alissa take such good care of me. They often have to peel me off the roof after my tissue massage but they are making great progress. With radiation, their focus changes a bit from deep tissue massage to lymphatic draining. (Ill explain that more when I actually know what I'm talking about. ;) 

I got back to Level 10 this week to work with Jenna and continue mostly stretching exercises but some strength training and cardio. My body is in a bit of shock after 10 weeks of very little exercise. But, a very very necessary evil. It's quite scary and frustrating how much my physical strength and endurance have been affected but I'm determined to get to an even better level than I was before all this drama started ten months ago. I want to know that my diet, weight, and energy are at my personal best so that I'm ready for work and family life and all its responsibilities. From the way I feel after week one, I can only get stronger:). 

I'm extraordinarily patient provided I get my own way in the end. - Margaret Thatcher

There are many things I've learned in the last nine months....one thing is that there is nothing more frustrating to a cancer patient than her schedule being thrown out of whack. All of my countdowns and calendar dates have been completely messed!! 

I still am not completely healed enough to begin radiation. I am having weekly check ups but no green light yet. "My glass is half full" attitude appreciates that I got much more of a summer than I expected, however, one does get slightly anxious when your body is not responding the way you hoped it would. The drs do see improvement every week but it is not enough to safely begin. If we start to early, I'll lose the implant which will create a much bigger problem than waiting it out a few extra weeks. 

So, swimming lessons, hockey school, business trip to Las Vegas, scrapbooking date, Rider games, barbecues, and play dates as if we were a  regular ordinary family. It's been fun and exhausting but rewarding to know I am bouncing back from the biggest challenge of my life. 

Schedules shmedules. One day at time. Smile on my face and take each day as it comes. My body is responding well and I'm getting through what I need to - even if it is a little slower than expected. 

If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you'll never enjoy the sunshine. -Morris West

Lots of work at physio and following through with my stretches at home has my arm physically ready for radiation. Physio continues to work on the chording that is happening. The tendons on my underarm have "gummed" together making actually chords stick out in my arms. Lots of massage and stretching will take care of that over time. 

Unfortuantely, my incisions arent fully healed enough to start radiation. But a check up in the 14th will hopefully result in the green light to begin. 

So far we haven't noticed alot of excess swelling in my arm, which could indicate early stages of lymphadema. But I did get my very fashionable arm sleeve to compress my arm and keep the excess fluid at bay. 

I'm feeling pretty good overall. Very little pain other than when I go through physio. But even that is getting less. 

A few days of some sunshine really helps a persons mental state, well at least mine. Hoping for a bit more before daily radiation ends my summer. 

The most essential factor is persistence - the determination never to allow your energy or enthusiasm to be dampened by the discouragement that must inevitably come. James Whitcomb Riley

Heading into 5 weeks after surgery.... Things are getting better day by day. Thankfully pain is minimal and I'm starting to move around more easily. It's taking a while to get my left arm moving as well as I'd like. I'm going to physio twice a week which is helping. I'm not completely healed yet so my exercises are not pushing a full range yet. I need to be able to raise my arm over my head for radiation so I really have to get at it. Unfortunately I got an infection this past week which delayed me at pushing my exercises. But hopefully this will be the only infection an I can get at it!

I've met my new radiation oncologist, Dr.McClennan. He will start my treatment as soon as I can raise my arm above my head and the infection is gone. I'm hoping within 2 weeks we can get treatment started so I can complete another part of the "to do" list. I'm frustrated that there will be a delay but not much I can do about it. 

Pathology has shown that the chemo did a very good job. I only had a very small mass left and a tiny spot in one lymph node. The surgeon feels very confident she got everything. Now radiation will hopefully get any cells that may be leftover hiding out. I am very anxious to get phase III into action! Disappointed its cutting into summer fun, but the terrible weather is making it easier to take!;)

When a goal matters enough to a person, that person will find a way to accomplish what at first seemed impossible. - Nido Qubein

Well, it took 18 days to be rid of the majority of the pain- but I made it! I'm almost Tylenol free since Monday, so I'd say things are looking up. The first ten days after surgery may have been the worst of my life. I never left my bedroom for 8 days. I was so sore and so tired. But that is all behind me now. 

I've seen my plastic surgeon, who did immediate reconstruction and he says everything looks really good. It's hard knowing if I made the right decision with reconstruction. It's causing a lot of discomfort with the stretching of my skin and its difficult knowing I brought some of this on myself by choosing to do reconstruction. But, I've got to stick with my decision and grin an bare it. 

Two-stage reconstruction or two-stage delayed reconstruction is the type most often done if implants are used. An implanted tissue expander, which is like a balloon, is put under the skin and chest muscle. Through a tiny valve under the skin, the surgeon injects a salt-water solution at regular intervals to fill the expander over a period of about 4 to 6 months. After the skin over the breast area has stretched enough, a second surgery will remove the expander and put in the permanent implant. Some expanders are left in place as the final implant.

The two-stage reconstruction is sometimes called delayed-immediate reconstruction because it allows time for other treatment options. If radiation is needed, the next steps may be delayed until after radiation treatment is complete. If radiation is not needed, the surgeon can start right away with the tissue expander and second surgery. (www.cancer.org)

I meet with my oncologist today to find out my plan for radiation and to hear the particulars on the pathology of my mastectomy. Radiation will be daily for six weeks. I'm told its not painful but quite draining of my energy. That doesn't worry me, I can bounce back. 

Last week I started physical therapy at the hospital. I'm working with a lovely lady named Tracey who has lots of experience working with breast cancer patients. I am pretty alarmed at my inability to use my left arm because the lymph nodes were removed. Out of all the things I read and researched, it wasn't info I sought out. So although I knew physio was necessary, I was caught off guard by how much physio it is going to take to get back in use. Although I can't do as much therapy yet because of the reconstruction, we've started with Tracey massaging the scar tissue in my arm pit. Wow. That is toe curling pain. But I'm told I will feel better as it loosens up. She needs to do enough so I am able to raise my arm over my head and hold it there to complete radiation. I am quite aways from being able to do that yet so we're meeting twice a week to get things loosened up. 

I am happy to have my last week before daily radiation at the cabin with my boys. Loni is taking his first full week off in 2 years and the first week off in the summer since I married him!! He so deserves it. Our cabin has become our sanctuary and Loni might even like it more than me. I'm not able to do as much as I'd like with the boys, my energy and discomfort doesn't allow me to yet. But every day is a little better. I have my friends and family to thank for my recovery and my positive outlook. I have had so much support from everyone. They motivate me everyday to put a smile on my face and take it a day at a time. 

Thanks to friends who filled my freezer and dropped off meals. So thoughtful and generous of you. 

“Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.” - Unknown

Well it's been one week since my surgery. Every day is a bit better than the previous. My energy and strength is definitely at an all time low but I'm told everything went perfectly. I am so thankful for hearing those words. 

Within a few days, Dr.Meiers, the surgeon who did the mastectomy, will call with the pathology of the cancer. It will tell them what stage the cancer was at, after the chemo, and information about the cells so if there is ever a reoccurrence they will know more about with what they are dealing. Dr.Meiers said the chemo did a really great job. She could not see anything and the lymph nodes were hardly enlarged. 

A one week post surgery check up was very positive as well. 

As I get my energy back, Ill share more thoughts and words of wisdom but for now, I have to just sit, takes some deep breaths, and take a few more days to recuperate. 

Thanks so much to my family and friends for the flowers, gifts, meals, and get well wishes. I cannot believe the generosity of so many close and extended family and friends. Thanks for allowing me time to focus on myself so I can get well for my family and give back to all of you who have given so much to me. 

Home...

Loni here again. Just a quick update for everyone:

The "Short Stay Unit" lived up to its name, and Chantel was discharged at around 10:00 this morning. The discharge process was a little disjointed, with Chantel getting caught in the middle of the shift change, and it felt a little like a bird being pushed out of the nest, but I suppose there wasn't much more they could do for her at the hospital anymore.

It was a quick removal of the catheter and testing of the system, one last peck at the morphine machine, unhook the IV, learn how to empty the JP drains, here's your prescription, go grab a wheelchair, and off you go!

Overall, we both have to give kudos to the entire health care system on this one. I know it is often-maligned, but in Chantel's case its gone about as smoothly as it could...at every point in this entire process. And believe me, we are more than thankful and realize how blessed we truly are in that regard.

Chantel is home now, and resting. And we're quickly beginning to realize that although everything we have (house, vehicles, beds, chairs, etc) is built for comfort...its not exactly rehab-friendly. An iComfort memory foam bed is the opposite end of the "plush spectrum" from a Stryker hospital bed, and not quite as easy to adjust within. She'll take a day or so to get settled in, and then the visitors can start to come by.

Thanks again to everyone for your texts, emails, messages, cards, flowers and tokens of support. The love has been overwhelming. Keep putting out the positive vibes, and maybe mix in a few thoughts for those in Calgary, Canmore, High River, etc who are dealing with the unimagineable.

I've been beaten and broken but I healed though ... We've all got problems but we deal though - Inner Ninja, Classified

Loni here...reporting in for Chantel. I feel like I've texted, facebook messaged and emailed most everyone, but for those following along on the blog, here is a more detailed update:

Procedure-wise, everything went absolutely according to plan. The whole admitting and pre-op process went like clockwork, and every single professional involved was comforting and empathetic. Both surgeons performed their surgeries precisely as planned and reported back they went perfectly. Post-op recovery took a little longer than planned however, with Chantel being a little nauseous and needing some extra time to come out of it.

She has now been moved to the new "Short Stay Ward", where she will recover for the next couple of days. It got off to a shaky start, but once the pain and nausea meds set in and she found a reasonably comfortable position on the hospital bed and thermostat, she was able to get some sleep. I hated like hell to leave, but if I was to stay in that solitary chair another hour I'd be in a hospital bed beside her.

For those of you wanting to visit or send some sort thoughtful get well item, it'll likely have to wait. The short stay ward is a pretty no-frills place, and its one visitor at a time with some fairly restricted hours. Thank you all for your offers. Its the thought that counts.

Its been a long day. Other than that one fateful day we both absorbed the news that Chantel truly had cancer, today was the toughest of this entire ordeal. Its been a whirlwind the past 6 months, thankfully one that Chantel has been fortunate enough to come out on the positive side of every single time. But I think today was when this all truly hit home. Surgery is a positive thing...the cancer is officially gone...but surgery is real, and its gonna hurt, and there's no way of getting around it. I've taken my cues from Channy every step of the way so far. And in case you haven't noticed, she's been a rock, so we've been better than okay. But today's sendoff into the OR was heart-wrenching, terrifying and helpless for the both of us.

Thankfully there has been a host of encouragement and support from friends, family, coworkers and alumni. To say Chantel and I were "feeling the love" would be a gigantic understatement. Thank you one and all.

Tomorrow is another day. The first day of being cancer free. Let the healing process begin.

Until tomorrow,
LK

PS. before you think I've changed my musical ways to sugar-coated radio pop, I chose the lyrics in this title because they're the ones that stood out to me as I listened that song yet again tonight. I haven't been a big fan, but I'm starting to think there is some sort of cosmic connection because that song (and every other kind of ninja reference) is now eerily following us around everywhere it would seem. It even popped up on Sirius Hits One as soon as I turned on my truck tonight. Despite being spawned by a 3 year old who quotes every YouTube video like scripture all...day...long, this Ninja reference has gained a lot of traction and has become a rallying cry as we head through the darkest part of this whole ordeal.... If you've been wondering what all the ninja references are on the social media profiles, now you know. To those who know...keep up the good work. Hiiii-yuh!

I learned there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead, others come from behind. But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready, you see. Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me. – Dr. Seuss

Well the day has finally come. Almost 8 months ago- to the day- I went to my doctor thinking something wasn't quite right. After many appointments, tests, treatments, discussions, and readings, I'm going to have surgery and know with pretty good confidence, I've beaten cancer. After hearing many times, "your life can change in an instant" I've now lived it. It really can change in an instant. 

Tomorrow will be a last step to see this challenge through to the end and come out a better, stronger person on top.  

Loni will put an update on here for me for the next few days. Thanks everyone for all the messages, phone calls, emails, gifts and cards expressing your admiration and good wishes. You have all been an immense support to myself and my family. 

"A Ninja never quits." - Kane Kaufmann

When we were out on a bike ride last week we came across a little hill. I was  encouraging Lukas to keep going up the hill, to keep pedalling as hard as he could, and suddenly Kane yelled out, "A ninja never quits!"  How can a 3 year old already know the importance of never giving up?! This was such a simple but profound moment for me. My little three year old is will hopefully know one day that this ninja never quit either.  We now remind each other everyday to never quit. 

Surgery date had been set for June 19. I'm excited and terrified all at the same time. I feel I'm in very good hands with both surgeons. All I can hope for is that my body handles everything well and there's as little issues as possible. I'm told there should be very little pain which is what I'm hoping for. The mastectomy will be about 3 hours and and the reconstruction will be about an hour. I'm told one night, maybe two at the hospital and then home to recover. 

I won't lie, I can't wait to have this finished. I'm thankful to have had some choice for my surgeons, time to research my options, and time to talk with others who've been through this before. But its been long enough. Time to get 'er done. 

Radiation will start four weeks after and go for six weeks. 

Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop. ~Ovid

While waiting to hear the date for my surgery, I've been resting at home and enjoying the feeling of being on my way to completely cancer free. 

As scared as I am about the surgery, I'm very much looking forward to it being done. The surgeon has agreed to do a double mastectomy and a plastic surgeon will be doing immediate reconstruction. They both seem very confident and feel everything should go very smoothly. I'm hoping they're right. 

As each day goes by, I'm feeling more like myself. I feel so much better when I wake up. My head is clearer and I don't feel like I've been hit by a truck. This good feeling fools me into thinking I have more energy than I do. It's caught me a couple days when I tried to make it without a rest. Then the feeling of being hit by a truck returns. But as long as I take it easy, I'm feeling quite well. I'm getting to my level 10 classes with a cancer rehab group and really enjoy their company and the giggles we share in between hot flashes and huffing and puffing. I've enjoyed getting out to visit with my friends and my coworkers and have some laughs as well. 

Spring is a good time for renewal and implementing healthy habits. This has become my new focus while enjoying my active boys and playing in every puddle and every dirt pile we see along our bike rides and walks. Every challenge and rough day this winter has been worth it to be able to enjoy these fun spring days with them. So much to be thankful for and so much to look forward to!