Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. ~James Matthew Barrie

Into week two of radiation - so far so good. Side effects aren't expected to start happening until week three. As the radiation gets deeper, I may have some redness, itching, peeling of the skin and fatigue. I've met a lot of ladies who got through radiation with very little side effects so I'm hoping for the same. 

I'm making a real effort to eat healthy and  regularly as well as get regular exercise to help combat any fatigue coming my way. Hopefully that will help get me through this stage smoothly. My energy level is not at full capacity but I'm definitely seeing improvement. 

My days are regularly  filled with rehab, physiotherapy, and radiation - often all three in the day. I go from one to the other and then head home for a nap before the boys get home from school.  Our evenings are filling with martial arts, gymnastics, and hockey. It is nice to feel well enough to be able to be a part of these things. I'm grateful for my slow but steady recovery. 

“The punishment of every disordered mind is its own disorder.” ― Augustine of Hippo

Thinking of all my friends and colleagues today meeting their new students. There's nothing more exciting than meeting your new class and messing up that nice clean classroom. I'm very sad to be missing out on that but my focus for this start of the year is on my own son. I'm going to cherish the opportunity to be able to take him to his first day of grade 1 which would never have happened if I wasn't at home. 

My eagerness to start radiation caused me to misunderstand my appointment date. I will begin this Friday- for real. ;)

It took me a long time, but I don't feel as anxious about stupid things anymore - or perhaps they've just been replaced by more complicated stupid things." - Neil Finn

I finally have the green light for radiation!! I'm all tattooed up and ready for lazering to begin! Tomorrow will be my first treatment of radiation. I'm a little anxious about what it's going to be like. How it's going to affect my skin, and how it's going to affect the fluid in my arm where lymph nodes were taken out. These are the areas of concern but not much we can do about it. It'll be what it'll be. My awesome team of physiotherapists at the Pasqua are ready to help me through it. What wonderful ladies I've met there. Tracey and Alissa take such good care of me. They often have to peel me off the roof after my tissue massage but they are making great progress. With radiation, their focus changes a bit from deep tissue massage to lymphatic draining. (Ill explain that more when I actually know what I'm talking about. ;) 

I got back to Level 10 this week to work with Jenna and continue mostly stretching exercises but some strength training and cardio. My body is in a bit of shock after 10 weeks of very little exercise. But, a very very necessary evil. It's quite scary and frustrating how much my physical strength and endurance have been affected but I'm determined to get to an even better level than I was before all this drama started ten months ago. I want to know that my diet, weight, and energy are at my personal best so that I'm ready for work and family life and all its responsibilities. From the way I feel after week one, I can only get stronger:). 

I'm extraordinarily patient provided I get my own way in the end. - Margaret Thatcher

There are many things I've learned in the last nine months....one thing is that there is nothing more frustrating to a cancer patient than her schedule being thrown out of whack. All of my countdowns and calendar dates have been completely messed!! 

I still am not completely healed enough to begin radiation. I am having weekly check ups but no green light yet. "My glass is half full" attitude appreciates that I got much more of a summer than I expected, however, one does get slightly anxious when your body is not responding the way you hoped it would. The drs do see improvement every week but it is not enough to safely begin. If we start to early, I'll lose the implant which will create a much bigger problem than waiting it out a few extra weeks. 

So, swimming lessons, hockey school, business trip to Las Vegas, scrapbooking date, Rider games, barbecues, and play dates as if we were a  regular ordinary family. It's been fun and exhausting but rewarding to know I am bouncing back from the biggest challenge of my life. 

Schedules shmedules. One day at time. Smile on my face and take each day as it comes. My body is responding well and I'm getting through what I need to - even if it is a little slower than expected. 

If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you'll never enjoy the sunshine. -Morris West

Lots of work at physio and following through with my stretches at home has my arm physically ready for radiation. Physio continues to work on the chording that is happening. The tendons on my underarm have "gummed" together making actually chords stick out in my arms. Lots of massage and stretching will take care of that over time. 

Unfortuantely, my incisions arent fully healed enough to start radiation. But a check up in the 14th will hopefully result in the green light to begin. 

So far we haven't noticed alot of excess swelling in my arm, which could indicate early stages of lymphadema. But I did get my very fashionable arm sleeve to compress my arm and keep the excess fluid at bay. 

I'm feeling pretty good overall. Very little pain other than when I go through physio. But even that is getting less. 

A few days of some sunshine really helps a persons mental state, well at least mine. Hoping for a bit more before daily radiation ends my summer. 

The most essential factor is persistence - the determination never to allow your energy or enthusiasm to be dampened by the discouragement that must inevitably come. James Whitcomb Riley

Heading into 5 weeks after surgery.... Things are getting better day by day. Thankfully pain is minimal and I'm starting to move around more easily. It's taking a while to get my left arm moving as well as I'd like. I'm going to physio twice a week which is helping. I'm not completely healed yet so my exercises are not pushing a full range yet. I need to be able to raise my arm over my head for radiation so I really have to get at it. Unfortunately I got an infection this past week which delayed me at pushing my exercises. But hopefully this will be the only infection an I can get at it!

I've met my new radiation oncologist, Dr.McClennan. He will start my treatment as soon as I can raise my arm above my head and the infection is gone. I'm hoping within 2 weeks we can get treatment started so I can complete another part of the "to do" list. I'm frustrated that there will be a delay but not much I can do about it. 

Pathology has shown that the chemo did a very good job. I only had a very small mass left and a tiny spot in one lymph node. The surgeon feels very confident she got everything. Now radiation will hopefully get any cells that may be leftover hiding out. I am very anxious to get phase III into action! Disappointed its cutting into summer fun, but the terrible weather is making it easier to take!;)

When a goal matters enough to a person, that person will find a way to accomplish what at first seemed impossible. - Nido Qubein

Well, it took 18 days to be rid of the majority of the pain- but I made it! I'm almost Tylenol free since Monday, so I'd say things are looking up. The first ten days after surgery may have been the worst of my life. I never left my bedroom for 8 days. I was so sore and so tired. But that is all behind me now. 

I've seen my plastic surgeon, who did immediate reconstruction and he says everything looks really good. It's hard knowing if I made the right decision with reconstruction. It's causing a lot of discomfort with the stretching of my skin and its difficult knowing I brought some of this on myself by choosing to do reconstruction. But, I've got to stick with my decision and grin an bare it. 

Two-stage reconstruction or two-stage delayed reconstruction is the type most often done if implants are used. An implanted tissue expander, which is like a balloon, is put under the skin and chest muscle. Through a tiny valve under the skin, the surgeon injects a salt-water solution at regular intervals to fill the expander over a period of about 4 to 6 months. After the skin over the breast area has stretched enough, a second surgery will remove the expander and put in the permanent implant. Some expanders are left in place as the final implant.

The two-stage reconstruction is sometimes called delayed-immediate reconstruction because it allows time for other treatment options. If radiation is needed, the next steps may be delayed until after radiation treatment is complete. If radiation is not needed, the surgeon can start right away with the tissue expander and second surgery. (www.cancer.org)

I meet with my oncologist today to find out my plan for radiation and to hear the particulars on the pathology of my mastectomy. Radiation will be daily for six weeks. I'm told its not painful but quite draining of my energy. That doesn't worry me, I can bounce back. 

Last week I started physical therapy at the hospital. I'm working with a lovely lady named Tracey who has lots of experience working with breast cancer patients. I am pretty alarmed at my inability to use my left arm because the lymph nodes were removed. Out of all the things I read and researched, it wasn't info I sought out. So although I knew physio was necessary, I was caught off guard by how much physio it is going to take to get back in use. Although I can't do as much therapy yet because of the reconstruction, we've started with Tracey massaging the scar tissue in my arm pit. Wow. That is toe curling pain. But I'm told I will feel better as it loosens up. She needs to do enough so I am able to raise my arm over my head and hold it there to complete radiation. I am quite aways from being able to do that yet so we're meeting twice a week to get things loosened up. 

I am happy to have my last week before daily radiation at the cabin with my boys. Loni is taking his first full week off in 2 years and the first week off in the summer since I married him!! He so deserves it. Our cabin has become our sanctuary and Loni might even like it more than me. I'm not able to do as much as I'd like with the boys, my energy and discomfort doesn't allow me to yet. But every day is a little better. I have my friends and family to thank for my recovery and my positive outlook. I have had so much support from everyone. They motivate me everyday to put a smile on my face and take it a day at a time. 

Thanks to friends who filled my freezer and dropped off meals. So thoughtful and generous of you.