I've been beaten and broken but I healed though ... We've all got problems but we deal though - Inner Ninja, Classified

Loni here...reporting in for Chantel. I feel like I've texted, facebook messaged and emailed most everyone, but for those following along on the blog, here is a more detailed update:

Procedure-wise, everything went absolutely according to plan. The whole admitting and pre-op process went like clockwork, and every single professional involved was comforting and empathetic. Both surgeons performed their surgeries precisely as planned and reported back they went perfectly. Post-op recovery took a little longer than planned however, with Chantel being a little nauseous and needing some extra time to come out of it.

She has now been moved to the new "Short Stay Ward", where she will recover for the next couple of days. It got off to a shaky start, but once the pain and nausea meds set in and she found a reasonably comfortable position on the hospital bed and thermostat, she was able to get some sleep. I hated like hell to leave, but if I was to stay in that solitary chair another hour I'd be in a hospital bed beside her.

For those of you wanting to visit or send some sort thoughtful get well item, it'll likely have to wait. The short stay ward is a pretty no-frills place, and its one visitor at a time with some fairly restricted hours. Thank you all for your offers. Its the thought that counts.

Its been a long day. Other than that one fateful day we both absorbed the news that Chantel truly had cancer, today was the toughest of this entire ordeal. Its been a whirlwind the past 6 months, thankfully one that Chantel has been fortunate enough to come out on the positive side of every single time. But I think today was when this all truly hit home. Surgery is a positive thing...the cancer is officially gone...but surgery is real, and its gonna hurt, and there's no way of getting around it. I've taken my cues from Channy every step of the way so far. And in case you haven't noticed, she's been a rock, so we've been better than okay. But today's sendoff into the OR was heart-wrenching, terrifying and helpless for the both of us.

Thankfully there has been a host of encouragement and support from friends, family, coworkers and alumni. To say Chantel and I were "feeling the love" would be a gigantic understatement. Thank you one and all.

Tomorrow is another day. The first day of being cancer free. Let the healing process begin.

Until tomorrow,
LK

PS. before you think I've changed my musical ways to sugar-coated radio pop, I chose the lyrics in this title because they're the ones that stood out to me as I listened that song yet again tonight. I haven't been a big fan, but I'm starting to think there is some sort of cosmic connection because that song (and every other kind of ninja reference) is now eerily following us around everywhere it would seem. It even popped up on Sirius Hits One as soon as I turned on my truck tonight. Despite being spawned by a 3 year old who quotes every YouTube video like scripture all...day...long, this Ninja reference has gained a lot of traction and has become a rallying cry as we head through the darkest part of this whole ordeal.... If you've been wondering what all the ninja references are on the social media profiles, now you know. To those who know...keep up the good work. Hiiii-yuh!

I learned there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead, others come from behind. But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready, you see. Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me. – Dr. Seuss

Well the day has finally come. Almost 8 months ago- to the day- I went to my doctor thinking something wasn't quite right. After many appointments, tests, treatments, discussions, and readings, I'm going to have surgery and know with pretty good confidence, I've beaten cancer. After hearing many times, "your life can change in an instant" I've now lived it. It really can change in an instant. 

Tomorrow will be a last step to see this challenge through to the end and come out a better, stronger person on top.  

Loni will put an update on here for me for the next few days. Thanks everyone for all the messages, phone calls, emails, gifts and cards expressing your admiration and good wishes. You have all been an immense support to myself and my family. 

"A Ninja never quits." - Kane Kaufmann

When we were out on a bike ride last week we came across a little hill. I was  encouraging Lukas to keep going up the hill, to keep pedalling as hard as he could, and suddenly Kane yelled out, "A ninja never quits!"  How can a 3 year old already know the importance of never giving up?! This was such a simple but profound moment for me. My little three year old is will hopefully know one day that this ninja never quit either.  We now remind each other everyday to never quit. 

Surgery date had been set for June 19. I'm excited and terrified all at the same time. I feel I'm in very good hands with both surgeons. All I can hope for is that my body handles everything well and there's as little issues as possible. I'm told there should be very little pain which is what I'm hoping for. The mastectomy will be about 3 hours and and the reconstruction will be about an hour. I'm told one night, maybe two at the hospital and then home to recover. 

I won't lie, I can't wait to have this finished. I'm thankful to have had some choice for my surgeons, time to research my options, and time to talk with others who've been through this before. But its been long enough. Time to get 'er done. 

Radiation will start four weeks after and go for six weeks. 

Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop. ~Ovid

While waiting to hear the date for my surgery, I've been resting at home and enjoying the feeling of being on my way to completely cancer free. 

As scared as I am about the surgery, I'm very much looking forward to it being done. The surgeon has agreed to do a double mastectomy and a plastic surgeon will be doing immediate reconstruction. They both seem very confident and feel everything should go very smoothly. I'm hoping they're right. 

As each day goes by, I'm feeling more like myself. I feel so much better when I wake up. My head is clearer and I don't feel like I've been hit by a truck. This good feeling fools me into thinking I have more energy than I do. It's caught me a couple days when I tried to make it without a rest. Then the feeling of being hit by a truck returns. But as long as I take it easy, I'm feeling quite well. I'm getting to my level 10 classes with a cancer rehab group and really enjoy their company and the giggles we share in between hot flashes and huffing and puffing. I've enjoyed getting out to visit with my friends and my coworkers and have some laughs as well. 

Spring is a good time for renewal and implementing healthy habits. This has become my new focus while enjoying my active boys and playing in every puddle and every dirt pile we see along our bike rides and walks. Every challenge and rough day this winter has been worth it to be able to enjoy these fun spring days with them. So much to be thankful for and so much to look forward to!

How do you thank the team of people who worked together to save your life?

You take them macaroons from Le Macaron!! 

When you receive the good news I got this week AND it's "Nurse Appreciation Week", you can't help but want to somehow say thank you to the team of people who helped you beat cancer. 

It's difficult to find the right gift and words that express the gratitude you feel. 

"Thanks for saving my life." seems hardly enough to the team of people who gave you the chance to watch your boys grow up, enjoy many more happy years with your husband, and partake in laughs and good times with your friends and family for years to come.  

So 3 dozen macaroons and a note of thanks had to suffice....

A special thank you to all of you…

I’ve been doing chemotherapy for 24 weeks and have finally completed my last one!  This week all of my tests showed that the 9cm tumour in my breast is completely gone, my lymph nodes shrunk and no cancer has spread to my organs.  We can now carry on to surgery and the steps that will wrap this experience up.

My family and I can never thank you enough for your expertise, your knowledge, your care, and your sense of humour.  Walking into that treatment area was one of the scariest experiences of our lives.  But each of you, at some point - smiled, patted me on the back, cared for me, laughed with me, checked on me, verified my name and birthdate, poked me, untangled my pole, reclined my chair, got me a juice, covered me with a blanket, answered my questions…the list goes on.  

You are a wonderful team that shows kindness, courtesy, and respect to patients and to each other.  Although we wouldn’t wish cancer on anyone, we wish they could feel the quality of care we received in our 16 treatments.  

Thank you very, very much.

Chantel and Loni Kaufmann

Dr. Kakamanu,

As I complete my chemotherapy and move onto the next phase of this breast cancer journey, a quick note of thanks.  A few cookies hardly seem enough for your knowledge, expertise and care in saving my life but what really would be enough?  Although there is a bit for us to conquer yet, we wanted to say thank you very very much for all that you have done for me and my family.  We would never wish cancer on anyone, but we wish everyone could feel as confident in their doctor as we do with you.  Thanks for answering our questions, being confident and knowledgeable in my treatment, and listening to our concerns.  

Enjoy the macaroons on a coffee break!

Chantel and Loni Kaufmann

 

"NEVER GIVE UP; Never lose hope. Always have Faith, it allows you to cope. Trying times will pass as they always do. Just have patience, your dreams will come true. So put on a smile, you will live through your pain. Know it will Pass, and strength you will gain." - Bel Claveria Carig Martinez

One week after my last chemo treatment. It feels good knowing  that side effects will start slowly leaving my body. Sore legs, numb-tingling toes and fingers, puffy bloated belly, intense night sweats, nausea, dry eyes, baldness and the constant haze I feel like I'm walking. I may have saved most of my nails from falling off. I'm pretty certain I'll lose my big toe nails but from what I hear, I'm pretty lucky for that too. 

It'll take a while to get my energy back but I'm looking very forward to that. My boys have pretty much figured out that our play time is reading books, colouring and watching movies.  I'm not the funnest mom to be hanging with right now, but it'll get better. 

This week was tests and appointments every day. Ct scan. Heart Echo. Meeting my surgeon, Dr.Meiers. Seeing Dr. Kakamanu. And getting my weekly dose of Herceptin. Poor Loni was leaving work constantly. 

Dr. K's visit was the most rewarding of the week. All my tests showed the cancer has not spread to my organs, and the tumour appears to be completely gone-no one can feel anything! 

I don't need to tell you what it felt like getting THAT news!  I'm not a "what if" person but there were  a few flying around in my head the last week.  Knowing this is gone and that I'm kicking this C's butt gives me the strength to get through the upcoming surgery and radiation. 

Meeting Dr. Meiers was a very positive experience. She seems to be a great listener as well as very strong and assertive. She is willing to do a double mastectomy if I feel it's the best for me and that I understand the risks involved. I was hoping to do immediate reconstruction but its looking like that might not be the best for the final result with 6 weeks of radiation needed after the surgery. I wanted to try to avoid two recovery times but Ill do whatever they recommend. No one has steered me wrong this far. 

So I will have 4 weeks rest and then the surgery will happen. I could pretend I'm looking forward to the next phase but that would be a lie. Terrified would be the  word I'd choose. But as one friend said, "Its the end to all of this. It's a good thing." I've met many brave ladies who've proved that this is all fairly standard and recovery happens and you get past it.

In the meantime, I'm looking forward to the little break I get for a couple more weeks. We're going to go to our beautiful new cabin and let the boys collect sticks and rocks until they're blue in the face. The most important thing for me is to not get sick before surgery and to rest up. So I will stick to doing what I need to to 

make that happen. 

"Take pride in how far you've come and have faith in how far you can go."

1 to go

We're almost through another week as we look towards my LAST chemo treatment. It was a pretty quiet week of rest. Monday and Tuesday have been my toughest days throughout the week of recovery and this week was no different. I think I slept for almost 20 straight hours and then I woke up Wednesday feeling not bad and Thursday feeling even better. I was very nauseous Tuesday and didn't get on top of my medicine and it caught up with me. Luckily, after 24 hrs it subsided.
One of the toughest parts this week has been dealing with my finger and toe nails. I had hoped I wouldn't lose them from the chemo but it's not looking good. They are very sore. Some days I haven't even been able to put on my shoes. Luckily the damn snow is almost gone and I can get out my flip flops.
Over the past couple of weeks, have spent some time with some lovely ladies who were willing to share their words of wisdom and opinions with me regarding their mastectomies and reconstruction surgeries. Reading books is of course helpful, but it doesn't beat the first hand knowledge gained from talking to women who've been through this in the same health care system. So kind of them to share their experience with me so that I can make the most informed decisions for myself in the days ahead.

Can't lie. I'm pretty pumped to walk into chemo treatment Friday and leave feeling confident that I will never be back.
(I do have to go back every three weeks to receive Herceptin intravenously for a year, but never back for chemo.) I will miss my Friday routines of chats with the fantastic nurses and the focused sit down time with my husband but we will all give that up knowing the chemo has done its job and my body and my head are ready for phase 2 of our plan we set out 6 months ago.

Before phase 2 can begin, a few tests and discussions to be had between myself, my oncologist, and my surgeon, Dr. Suzanne Meiers, in the next week. I had my MUGA this week (heart test), and next week will have a CT to check there is no cancer spread to my organs, discuss immediate reconstruction and a bilateral surgery with Dr. Meiers, and hopefully get the go ahead from Dr. Kakamanu that we are ready to go and everything is where we hoped it would be at this point.

Thanks to everyone for their messages and pats on the back. We are almost there, we are almost half-way finished!!