May good fortune be with you, may your guiding light be strong

I had such an interesting day yesterday...this is a bit of a lengthy entry....

I had an appointment at the Breast Assessment Clinic to have a clip attached to the tumour so that when the Chemo blasts the tumour to almost nothing - the surgeon can still find it to remove it.

After showing up a half hour too early, my brother treated me to a tea and muffin while we waited for my turn.  The assessment clinic was a busy place and there was not much seating left.  Unfortunately, they were further behind than usual, so I eventually waited in the waiting room while my brother toured the hospital.  While sitting there, observing different women come in to have mammograms, ultrasound, biopsy, etc it was interesting to hear the different conversations going on.  I heard a 50ish year old lady say she is such a proponent for mammogram because years earlier it had located a small mass that never would have been detected for some time with out it.  I was so happy for her discovery but wondering why my mammogram, only 5 months earlier detected nothing and I now have a fist sized tumour in my breast?? 

After meeting with my nurse, and hearing the details of the procedure and signing off on it, I then waited for my turn in the big chair.  When I met the young female doctor who worked at the clinic who would be doing the procedure,  I wasn't nervous at all because I was told it was very similar to the biopsy, which really caused little pain.  Dr. G, who I met, will be noted as one of the many who helped to keep me on my positive path.  She told me of two other patients she'd recently had, who were as young as me, with very young children, with similar aggressive tumours, that received similar treatments, and the chemo decreased the size immensely and they are on their way to kicking butt!  I told her how much I appreciated this info and that it made my day to hear that "an aggressive tumour" is beatable.  While we chatted away, she inserted a tiny titanium clip, in the shape of a bow, into the tumour.  She told me that they do not just put these into anybody - only well deserving patients because they are very expensive.  I'm happy to have been so worthy...I think???
She also thought it was great that my surgeon had asked for this because she knew of two other ladies, whose tumours shrank to nothing and didn't have the clip, making it very difficult for their surgeons to remove the tumour that was in there somewhere. 

This lovely young, 34 year old doctor, grew up in Regina, went to U of R and U of S, and now practices in Regina and assuming she did everyting technically correct - how would I know?- she certainly had an impact on my morale and outlook that I will never forget.  I did weird her out by covering my eyes throughout the procedure the entire time with my arm.  I told her that as long as I didn't see any of the gadgets, I could keep my witts about me and handle anything.  I told her I have also gotten into a bad habit of trying to read doctors' and nurses' body language and their eyes...trying to figure out what they are thinking....if I'm incureable, or if it's the craziest thing they've ever seen poking out of me.  She laughed and told me to NEVER do that, and didn't I know that Doctors have very little personality and noone should ever try to read their body language??!!  She wished me well and I couldn't have thanked her enough for her expertise, her care, and her time.

After a lunch out with my brother, and a short nap, I was off to have a haircut with my longtime friend L.F. who has cut my hair for over 10 years.  I was feeling long strands already starting to come out so thought I might as well get myself some fun new hair cut before it all falls out.  I was pretty nervous about it...I'd been on a mission to grow my hair for over a year, thought it was the last time before I was almost 40 that I should have long hair.  But, today was the day to go for it! 

While she washed my hair, a song came on over the radio that totally put my mind at ease.  It's a song that throughout my life, has had an important, personal connection to me.  Bare with me...this is a bit of a far fetch connection, one that I have never shared with anyone...but it has had an everlasting effect on my life, and in my opinion, was no coincidence that it occurred on this day...

The last night I spoke to my mom on the phone, in 1988, I phoned to tell her that her favorite singer Rod Stewart was on MuchMusic playing his new song Forever Young....yes - she LOVED Rod Stewart - who didn't in the 80's???....we talked for a minute and then I let her go so we could each watch the performance.  It was the last time I spoke to her because the next night, she was killed in a car accident.  That last conversation with her is somewhat hazy 25 years later, but I have always thought of that song as our connection.  As I grew up, and I would dream of her, this song often plays in my dream.  Whenever I hear it, I feel like its her saying Hi to me and gives me a really great feeling.  As years have gone by, I haven't heard that song in a very long time - one could say its because they don't play that song on the country bumpkin stations I listen to now - or it may be because I have been leading the most rewarding, busy, supportive life that I didn't really need that little extra nudge of support.  But, yesterday, having just had a piece of titanium put in a tumour, after my first of 8 chemo sessions, and about to cut my prized red hair off before it falls out in clumps - I think my mom knew I needed that little nudge.  It made me so happy to hear it, and really put my mind at ease. I left with my new hair do feeling confident and assured that myself, and my entourage of friends, family, and heavenly spirits will get me through this one day at a time.

Forever Young

(r. stewart/j.cregan/k.savigar)

May the good lord be with you
Down every road you roam
And may sunshine and happiness
Surround you when you’re far from home
And may you grow to be proud
Dignified and true
And do unto others
As you’d have done to you
Be courageous and be brave
And in my heart you’ll always stay
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young

May good fortune be with you
May your guiding light be strong
Build a stairway to heaven
With a prince or a vagabond

And may you never love in vain
And in my heart you will remain
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young
Forever young
Forever young

And when you finally fly away
I’ll be hoping that I served you well
For all the wisdom of a lifetime
No one can ever tell

But whatever road you choose
I’m right behind you, win or lose
Forever young, forever young
Forever young ,forever young
Forever young, forever young
For, forever young, forever young