"Christmas! The very word brings joy to our hearts. No matter how we maydread the rush, the long Christmas lists for gifts and cards to bebought and given, when Christmas Day comes there is still the same warmfeeling we had as children, the same warmth that enfolds our hearts andour homes." -Joan Winmill Brown

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I am feeling a bit guilty at how long it's been since I've written....I got so focused on getting things ready for Christmas and meeting up with friends that I barely had the time or energy to write. The great news about all of this is I felt much better after treatment #2 to carry on with life.
I am so fortunate to have my dad here for the month that he has been able to do a few things around the house and help with the boys that I was able to head to school on the last day to give my kids and colleagues a Christmas hug, go on a couple of lunch dates, do some last minute shopping, get my presents wrapped, and in between all that, rest up.
My energy feels a bit lower and I seem to only have 4-5 hrs in me to be out but other than that I didn't have the severe heartburn as last treatment and my appetite was almost normal- even more than usual. There were days I could have eaten all day. I'm told the steroids may be the cause of that, although the Christmas seasonal treats everywhere I went didn't help either.
I'm generally feeling well however my patience and moodiness aren't what I'm known for, lately. My reputation of "pooping rainbows" isn't exactly my mood these days, especially when I'm tired. My leg pains came back in my left leg. A very achy throbbing pain I can't seem to get rid of once it starts. It started on day 6 after treatment and carried through to day 14, just like the previous time. I had an ultrasound at my last doctors appointment to be sure there wasn't a blood clot (another side effect to watch for) and my vessels looked good so that makes me feel much better. My hair is completely gone other than a few lingering pieces. I'm not able yet to look at myself in the mirror. Not because I'm that vain, although don't kid yourself-losing one's ginger locks is slightly traumatizing for someone known her entire life as "that girl with the red ponytail". I know it will grow back. It really solidifies that I am not a picture of health these days. Loni and I have really tried hard, unconsciously and consciously, to keep carrying on life as we know it. Suppers, hockey, play dates, concerts, bunko nights, splurge groups, birthday gatherings, work, "to do" lists- all the things that keep us moving forward and filling in the calendar months ahead. However, we're all familiar with the general appearance of someone going through chemo, and it's still hard to believe that someone is ME...??? I'm not quite ready to look that person in the eye. And really I'm not so sure I even have to? Every hour of everyday, I tell myself - I'm good. I'm strong. This is noth'en. - And I literally visualize my good cells punching the heck out of little weakling cancer cells. Then I carry on with what I'm doing. I am so thankful I have been able to carry on and do the things I love to do while hearing multiple times, " Who does your hair?" "Wow, you're hair has really grown." A girl with her first wig cannot hear that enough times. My son's paediatrician, after sharing with him my predicament, had such a look of shock on his face. He actually started writing down my diagnosis. "So you had a clear mammogram in May? Then in October you were stage 3? And now you've had 2 chemo treatments? Well... well...you look like you're handling this really well!!?? You look really good..??" He seemed so confused and amazed, I walked out of there with my head pretty high.
As I head into week 3 after treatment #2, I look forward to feeling a little more like myself as my body builds up strength for treatment #3. I'm still in awe of the cards, gifts, and treats that friends and acquaintances keep sending. The extra hugs and notes I get as I run into friends and family of my close friends who know what I'm going through and want to wish me well.
I hope all of you know how much it brightens my day and how much I appreciate it. I think the most overwhelming has been the response to my blog. I've been really getting sassed the last couple days about my delay in a new post. I promise to share more in the days ahead as regular routines get back into place after Christmas festivities.