"Christmas! The very word brings joy to our hearts. No matter how we maydread the rush, the long Christmas lists for gifts and cards to bebought and given, when Christmas Day comes there is still the same warmfeeling we had as children, the same warmth that enfolds our hearts andour homes." -Joan Winmill Brown

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I am feeling a bit guilty at how long it's been since I've written....I got so focused on getting things ready for Christmas and meeting up with friends that I barely had the time or energy to write. The great news about all of this is I felt much better after treatment #2 to carry on with life.
I am so fortunate to have my dad here for the month that he has been able to do a few things around the house and help with the boys that I was able to head to school on the last day to give my kids and colleagues a Christmas hug, go on a couple of lunch dates, do some last minute shopping, get my presents wrapped, and in between all that, rest up.
My energy feels a bit lower and I seem to only have 4-5 hrs in me to be out but other than that I didn't have the severe heartburn as last treatment and my appetite was almost normal- even more than usual. There were days I could have eaten all day. I'm told the steroids may be the cause of that, although the Christmas seasonal treats everywhere I went didn't help either.
I'm generally feeling well however my patience and moodiness aren't what I'm known for, lately. My reputation of "pooping rainbows" isn't exactly my mood these days, especially when I'm tired. My leg pains came back in my left leg. A very achy throbbing pain I can't seem to get rid of once it starts. It started on day 6 after treatment and carried through to day 14, just like the previous time. I had an ultrasound at my last doctors appointment to be sure there wasn't a blood clot (another side effect to watch for) and my vessels looked good so that makes me feel much better. My hair is completely gone other than a few lingering pieces. I'm not able yet to look at myself in the mirror. Not because I'm that vain, although don't kid yourself-losing one's ginger locks is slightly traumatizing for someone known her entire life as "that girl with the red ponytail". I know it will grow back. It really solidifies that I am not a picture of health these days. Loni and I have really tried hard, unconsciously and consciously, to keep carrying on life as we know it. Suppers, hockey, play dates, concerts, bunko nights, splurge groups, birthday gatherings, work, "to do" lists- all the things that keep us moving forward and filling in the calendar months ahead. However, we're all familiar with the general appearance of someone going through chemo, and it's still hard to believe that someone is ME...??? I'm not quite ready to look that person in the eye. And really I'm not so sure I even have to? Every hour of everyday, I tell myself - I'm good. I'm strong. This is noth'en. - And I literally visualize my good cells punching the heck out of little weakling cancer cells. Then I carry on with what I'm doing. I am so thankful I have been able to carry on and do the things I love to do while hearing multiple times, " Who does your hair?" "Wow, you're hair has really grown." A girl with her first wig cannot hear that enough times. My son's paediatrician, after sharing with him my predicament, had such a look of shock on his face. He actually started writing down my diagnosis. "So you had a clear mammogram in May? Then in October you were stage 3? And now you've had 2 chemo treatments? Well... well...you look like you're handling this really well!!?? You look really good..??" He seemed so confused and amazed, I walked out of there with my head pretty high.
As I head into week 3 after treatment #2, I look forward to feeling a little more like myself as my body builds up strength for treatment #3. I'm still in awe of the cards, gifts, and treats that friends and acquaintances keep sending. The extra hugs and notes I get as I run into friends and family of my close friends who know what I'm going through and want to wish me well.
I hope all of you know how much it brightens my day and how much I appreciate it. I think the most overwhelming has been the response to my blog. I've been really getting sassed the last couple days about my delay in a new post. I promise to share more in the days ahead as regular routines get back into place after Christmas festivities.

"Well, I'll admit I've had to polish myself off once or twice, but yes! When I RSVP to a party I make it my business to come." - Samantha Jones

Many are asking my husband as he is out and about, "How is Chan doing?" We are both happy to say, "Better than expected!"

Accessing my port for the first time for my treatment wasn't the best moment of my life but I made it through. After treatment #2, on Friday, I was able to sleep well for the first 2 nights, rest throughout the day, eat a couple of healthy meals, get to part of my Bunko night, say hi at a Christmas party, and take Lukas to the Christmas Celebration at the museum. Not bad for a girl who just had her second chemotherapy ;).

Thanks to my hubby, Deb, and my dad for taking extra time to spoil the boys and getting them out of the house for a hotel sleepover so I could rest and also spread some Christmas cheer.

My 2 hrs of sleep Sunday night might catch up with me today, but I have started to see what may be some of my reactions that may become part of my routine. Insomnia is a fairly common side effect partially from the steroids, partially from my mind trying to anticipate my next reaction so I can try to get to it before it gets me, and partially because we haven't had a completely healthy family at the same time for over 3 weeks amongst any of us.

I am really missing my kids at school. Hoping they are being respectful, kind, courteous, hard working. All the things they promised me in their beautiful letters they wrote me. I'm finding it really hard to not be there after the terrible events on Friday in CT to talk with them and help them feel safe.

I'm also missing the excitement Christmas brings in a school. The Christmas carols playing on our intercom in the morning when I enter, treats on the staff room tables, hearing of my kids holiday plans... Hoping to be there for the pancake breakfast for a hug and a pancake before everyone leaves.

"It ain't about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you get hit and keep moving forward. It's how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is won." - Rocky Balboa

My third week after chemo had 3 focusses:
1. Get comfortable going in my wig in public
2. Stay out of shopping malls 
3. Rest up for next chemo treatment

I'm happy to say, I think I accomplished all three of those goals! I was able get my wig adjusted which made it much more comfortable on my head.  The ladies at the Pink Tree, http://www.pinktree.ca/ are really awesome and very friendly.
My teaching friends, had some fun with my wigs, referring to them as my alter egoes, and went so far as to name them.  My long red wig is Scarlett, and my short bob cut brown one is Meg.  I love the names and it helped me to feel more comfortable about wearing them and have some fun with it.
A highlite of the week was having a nurse ask me if I was going to lose my hair from the chemo and being able to tell her that I already did, and that I was wearing a wig.  She and 2 other nurses crowded around me in shock that "Scarlett" was a wig...YAY!

Staying out of the malls was easy...my friend Deb and I went for pedicures, lunch, and to the Pink Tree, where we got my wig adjusted and tried on hats.  Deb spolied me - AGAIN - and bought me 2 hats.  I know that as I get more comfortable with the hair loss, I'll probably get more comfortable wearing just a hat, especially in public, but not there yet.  The two I got will be a good start though and will be great for around the house - these wigs are ITCHY.  I also visited with my frind D.Q.  My long time friend who has beat cancer with the ease and grace that I hope to as well.  She is full of great advice and knowledge that I appreciate so much.  I thought I'd share some of it it publicly, in case it would be helpful to others.......

"     *Go for as many massages as you can fit in. If you don't have an excellent RMT, I do. But be sure and  

             tell them you have cancer.

       *Lauren Straub is a really good acupuncturist. Acupuncture is extremely relaxing and boosts your

             immune system.

        *I went to a friend and then later a woman just off 13th Ave.for Reiki. Similar benefits to acupuncture.

        *You may want to go see a naturopath. The one I went to see (after I was done my treatments) was in

             Moose Jaw but my friend went to see a female naturopath in Regina.

         *Nature's Best on 14th Ave. has a juice and smoothie bar. Their smoothies are delicious and packed

                with nutrition. If you can handle it, they also have a juicer and make very healthy juices. It's all

               organic and healthy.  "

 

I also got to spend time this week going to my son's first school Christmas concert.  That was very awesome.  He has grown up and matured so much since going to school.  Everyone knows how shy and anxious he's been in crowds and with strangers, since he was a baby, but he handled 2 concerts like a pro.  He got up there and sang all his words, did all his actions, and did not batt an eye.  We were so proud of him.  I cannot be happier with the choice we made for his school.  Such a lovely group of positive, supportive teachers.  I attended my own school's Christmas concert as well.  J.W. did a great with our grade 8's writing and performing their annual rap song. It was great to see my students.  And so many parents stopped in to say hi and give me a hug.

 

I spent some time this week getting a port put into my chest.  It wasn't as pain free as I had hoped it would be but it will be best long term.  I can now have chemo and get blood taken fron this port rather than being poked all the time in my arms and hands.  I again met some fantastic nurses who took great care of me, and a very friendly doctor who explained the procedure very well and seemed very confident.  It was a very busy place with patients coming and going for various procedures.  And everyone was so friendly and positive.  My nurse, Jackie, gave me a big hug when I left and wished me well.

 

My husband spent a combined total of 7 hours in waiting rooms  this week for my check ups and procedures.  Although there were lots of yawns, he never complained once or looked irritated.  One never knows when she is choosing her life long partner how good of a team you'll be in the rough patches, and luckily we have not had many, but this one is a doozy.  He is the absolute best.  As my friend, T.S said, "He's a rock."  and he is. 

 

I'm off today for chemo treatment 2.  My check up yesterday went well. 

I am still trying to grasp an understanding of the following... We know now that I am HER2 positive.  Genes contain the recipes for the various proteins a cell needs to stay healthy and function normally. Some genes and the proteins they make can influence how a breast cancer behaves and how it might respond to a specific treatment. Cancer cells from a tissue sample can be tested to see which genes are normal and abnormal. The proteins they make can also be tested.

 

HER2 (human epidermal growth factor receptor 2) is one such gene that can play a role in the development of breast cancer. Breast cancers with HER2 gene amplification or HER2 protein overexpression are called HER2-positive in the pathology report. HER2-positive breast cancers tend to grow faster and are more likely to spread and come back compared to HER2-negative breast cancers. But there are medicines specifically for HER2-positive breast cancers. I am double negative HER2 which means that the growth of the cancer is not supported by the hormones estrogen and progesterone.  Therefore, my breast cancer will respond to some hormonal therapy that target HER2 receptors, such as Herceptin (chemical name: trastuzumab) but will not benefit from a medicine that blocks the cell development or  "puts them to sleep". www.breastcancer.org

 

I'm not quite sure if  I shared this correctly so I will update as I understand it better. Not the best the reults could have come back, but not the worst, either way - Onward we will go....

"Darling, when things go wrong in life, this is what you do... you lift your chin, put on a ravishing smile, mix yourself a little cocktail...and out you go." Sadie from Twenties Girl by Sophie Kinsella

I spent the week reading some really great books that my dad got me...

Cancer Vixen: A True Story by Marisa Acocella Marchetto. 
 "The groundbreaking graphic memoir that has inspired breast cancer patients to fight back—and do it with style."

The review states: “What happens when a shoe-crazy, lipstick-obsessed, wine-swilling, pasta-slurping, fashion-fanatic, about-to-get-married big-city girl cartoonist with a fabulous life finds . . . a lump in her breast?” That’s the question that sets this powerful, funny, and poignant graphic memoir in motion. In vivid color and with a taboo-breaking sense of humor, Marisa Acocella Marchetto tells the story of her eleven-month, ultimately triumphant bout with breast cancer—from diagnosis to cure, and every challenging step in between.

Uplift: Secrets from the Sisterhood of Breast Cancer Survivors by Barbara Delinsky.
Secrets of Survival: Every breast cancer survivor is a hero and has learned some of the secrets of survival. Family, friends, and coworkers who are supportive also bring some wisdom to the fight. UPLIFT is a wonderful collection that lives up to its subtitle: “Secrets from the Sisterhood of Breast Cancer Survivors.”

 

Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book, 5th Edition (A Merloyd Lawrence Book by Susan M. Love MD(Author), Karen Lindsey (Contributor) 
"Any woman facing a diagnosis, decisions about treatment, or concerns about prevention will find in Dr. Love’s book the information, guidance, and reassurance she needs."

Karen Lindsey (Contributor)

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Dr. Susan Love’s Breast Book has long been the bible for the newly diagnosed. In this completely revised fifth edition, it also becomes a guide for those at risk of getting breast cancer, survivors interested in the consequences of their treatment, and anyone who wants to understand the new research about how the local environment influences the manifestations and treatments of many different kinds of breast cancer. Major advances being made in genetic research today mean that prevention and treatment can work not only to get rid of mutated cells (through chemo or surgery), but also to change the environment around the cells (through hormone therapy, exercise, and stress reduction). Among other promising developments discussed are advances in imaging, recognition of breast density as a risk factor, and a section focused on “personalized medicine” to help determine what kind of cancer you have and how best to treat it. 

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I woke up Friday knowing my days with my hair were numbered. I was hoping I'd make it to my next treatment but as I was getting ready to be a "lady who lunches", it was coming out in multiple pieces. I was slightly late for lunch, needing a moment to collect myself and glue my hair to my head with hairspray. It took me until lunch to realize the terrible pain in my achilles, that was making it difficult to walk, was gone. I was happy about my foot, not so happy about my hair.  By Saturday, more was coming out, so I knew it was time for the buzz.  I am very lucky that my hairdresser is my very good friend.  She was on high alert for a midnight run to the salon.  Last night, we went for it.  A bag of cookies in tow, along with my 3 wigs, we did it!  I'm glad it's finished, I was tired of worrying about it.  I got up this morning put on my "dream hair" wig.  When Kane looked at me, he didn't even do a double look, just carried on his way.  Lukas got up, hugged me, and said, " Mom, your hair sure is growing."  I then told Lukas and Kane how L.F helped get some new hair because some medicine I was taking was causing me to lose my hair. So from now on I'd be wearing a wig.  Lukas said, "Good.  I like your long hair better." And, we continued on with regular morning of lego and Ben 10 guys before getting ready for daycare. There's more to tell Lukas as the days go by, that I'm finding difficult to tell him. I've rehearsed it's a million times in my head but can't seem to spit it out. The wig thing didn't even phase him, which reminds me how resilient kids can be. I'm sure he'll have questions later today which might lead into the rest of the discussion we need to have soon.  www.breastcancer.org has great suggestions on how to tell young people which we've taken our script from for telling the boys. It's difficult yet for me to say aloud to myself that I have cancer, let alone to the most important people in my life - my boys.  But I also know, it's important to teach them to not be scared of the C word and be confident that I, and his harem of care givers, will be there no matter what.

I thought pics of my hair should be included, so people aren't shocked when they see me....

Special thanks to my friend K.D. for sharing her wigs with me, and all my cheer leaders who knew I was going for my buzz cut and were sending messages of encouragement!!


My friend R.K made me a wordle on www.wordle.net.  These are her words.... "So, you can take this for what it's worth... I made a word cloud through "wordle" by pasting it in your blog page address. It pulled all the most common words you've written so far and turned them into a beautiful shape. I think it's an interesting way to stay conscious of the words we're saying, writing, and thinking. I really do believe that we project our thoughts and they become our reality (I know I need to get better at this!). So, if we all want you healthy, healing, and happy we should thinking more of these things ourselves! Your words (unsurprisingly) are VERY positive."


http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/6122241/For_CK

"With arms outstretched I thank. With heart beating gratefully I love. With body in health I jump for joy. With spirit full I live." ~Terri Guillemets

I'm into day 12 after first Chemo treatment and I'm happy to say I'm feeling really - quite well.  I am so thankful but fearing this is the calm before the storm..?? I had terrible heartburn up until 2 days ago.  I was ready to put a call in for some medication but it would appear it is mostly gone - for now.  I did wake up a few days ago with a  terrible pain in my left achilles tendon that stretched through my heel and foot. I have had a past injury to this area and still have a lot of swelling in my calf after long days without sitting down.   I have self diagnosed this to be a weakened area that must be effected from chemo drugs.  My friend has shared an ankle brace with magnets in it that is helping allot with the pain.  The second I take the brace off the pain pierces through my foot, so needless to say - I am keeping the brace on.  I will talk to my doctor about it next week.  I am hoping to attend some yoga classes with a friend but not sure if its good for this affected area or not??  Hoping maybe some physio will help it or maybe might need some pain medication for it.

I have gotten out a couple days to do some Christmas shopping and to buy a few treats for myself.  Retail therapy is one of the best ways to lift my mood.  I don't need to buy anything, looking at stuff with a coffee in my hand is one of my greatest pleasures.  A perk right now, is there are a few things that need to be bought for under the tree, and would like it done by my next treatment, so I've given myself the go ahead to spend,  spend, spend! 

I got the chance to head back to school for a few hours for my teams volleyball wind up.  So great to see my kids.  I feel horrible how quick I had to leave them. We had such a good start, and I had just moved into my new classroom ready to team teach with my work husband, J.W.... darn it.  And to think I should probably head back and pack up my stuff so someone new can do their own thing.... I spent hours and hours this summer setting it up so I could retire from that room....darn it, darn it, darn it!!!

I am overwhelmed at the messages and gifts friends and family have been sending.  Lasagnas, soups, spaghetti, frozen meals, cookies, muffins, care packages, pyjamas, wine, wigs, books, magazines, jewellery, bubble bath, flowers, chocolate and beautiful cards with notes of encouragement and well wishes. I feel so spoiled.  I can't say thank you enough for all the support. 

"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down." - Oprah Winfrey

It was really only a matter of time until an Oprah quote hit the blog...wasn't it??  I feel like another hurdle has been accomplished in this little journey of mine.  Today I made it past week one after the first chemo treatment.  It's not as if a medical professional told me this was a hurdle, but in my head I'm setting out one week stints.  Anyone can do anything for a week - right?  My understanding is that my blood cell count would be at its lowest over the next couple days from the treatment and I needed to be careful and monitor myself for bugs and fevers.  Today I wasn't feeling a whole lot different than any of the others.  My nausea has subsided for the most part but it does creep up on me.  I'm trying hard to eat healthy to give my body the nutrients it needs to fight bugs and stay strong but all I can get down some days are a piece of toast or a french fry.  But each day is a bit better.  I've never had heartburn in 37 years and now I get it after every food I eat.  The medication I take is helping with that though.   I was told the steroids might make me a bit edgy, which I'm pretty certain is the case and that my joints would be sore.  My ankles are very stiff and causing me some discomfort but that could be from lack of use as well..??   Overall, I would say week one after chemo was a success and something I can definitely do 7 more times if it means getting rid of this unwanted mass.

Today my son had the day off school so his fantastic teacher could enjoy a day to herself after spending extra time on parent-teacher-student conferences.  Our very bestest friend D.K said she would take the day off to help decorate the tree with the boys.  As much as I wanted to do that, all the bins seemed pretty overwhelming to my mental and physical state but needless to say, Deb is a trooper and got what we started, accomplished!  The boys helped in bits and pieces putting up the already multiple handmade decorations they've made as well as many of their dad's old Snoopy decorations.  They got quite a kick out of it.  Hot chocolate and cookies were made, stockings were hung, and nik naks were arranged accordingly.We kept the tree fairly simple, piling as many decorations as possible.  With the hands of a soon to be 3 year old near by,  my Martha Stewart tree is a few years away yet.   But I love it.  Deb got everything where I would normally have it without me having much energy to get it there myself.  She's the best - but everyone whose been apart of my life for 25 years knows that!!  Since Kane had been up at 5:45am ready to decorate, at 1pm, he and I headed for a nap while Deb and Lukas watched a movie.    I have to have naps to make it through the day but the problem is falling asleep.  I can't shut my brain off most of the time and my eyes flutter constantly creating a terrible distraction.   I knew today I had to have a rest though so I could attend my staff Christmas Party.  We were having a supper and curling night.  I was excited to see my friends.  When you cut a girl off cold turkey from a workplace of 50 (+350 kids) where she spends 10 hrs a day to a house of 1, it causes one to go a little stir crazy.  I needed to see my peeps!  It was so great to see them.  Lots of smiles and definitely the best turn out our school staff has had since I have been at that school!  We stayed for the meal and to watch a few rocks get thrown but my yawns were catching up with me.  The high lite of the night was seeing almost all of my colleagues wearing their pink touques and mitts to show me their support and it is something I will never forget. A little overwhelming for someone who doesn't like to be the center of attention to know that so many others, who also have many other challenges in their own lives, are thinking of me.  Each of them telling me they are behind me and that they are all on the bus to pick me up since, apparently, my limo has broken down.  How does one even begin to say thank you for that??

May good fortune be with you, may your guiding light be strong

I had such an interesting day yesterday...this is a bit of a lengthy entry....

I had an appointment at the Breast Assessment Clinic to have a clip attached to the tumour so that when the Chemo blasts the tumour to almost nothing - the surgeon can still find it to remove it.

After showing up a half hour too early, my brother treated me to a tea and muffin while we waited for my turn.  The assessment clinic was a busy place and there was not much seating left.  Unfortunately, they were further behind than usual, so I eventually waited in the waiting room while my brother toured the hospital.  While sitting there, observing different women come in to have mammograms, ultrasound, biopsy, etc it was interesting to hear the different conversations going on.  I heard a 50ish year old lady say she is such a proponent for mammogram because years earlier it had located a small mass that never would have been detected for some time with out it.  I was so happy for her discovery but wondering why my mammogram, only 5 months earlier detected nothing and I now have a fist sized tumour in my breast?? 

After meeting with my nurse, and hearing the details of the procedure and signing off on it, I then waited for my turn in the big chair.  When I met the young female doctor who worked at the clinic who would be doing the procedure,  I wasn't nervous at all because I was told it was very similar to the biopsy, which really caused little pain.  Dr. G, who I met, will be noted as one of the many who helped to keep me on my positive path.  She told me of two other patients she'd recently had, who were as young as me, with very young children, with similar aggressive tumours, that received similar treatments, and the chemo decreased the size immensely and they are on their way to kicking butt!  I told her how much I appreciated this info and that it made my day to hear that "an aggressive tumour" is beatable.  While we chatted away, she inserted a tiny titanium clip, in the shape of a bow, into the tumour.  She told me that they do not just put these into anybody - only well deserving patients because they are very expensive.  I'm happy to have been so worthy...I think???
She also thought it was great that my surgeon had asked for this because she knew of two other ladies, whose tumours shrank to nothing and didn't have the clip, making it very difficult for their surgeons to remove the tumour that was in there somewhere. 

This lovely young, 34 year old doctor, grew up in Regina, went to U of R and U of S, and now practices in Regina and assuming she did everyting technically correct - how would I know?- she certainly had an impact on my morale and outlook that I will never forget.  I did weird her out by covering my eyes throughout the procedure the entire time with my arm.  I told her that as long as I didn't see any of the gadgets, I could keep my witts about me and handle anything.  I told her I have also gotten into a bad habit of trying to read doctors' and nurses' body language and their eyes...trying to figure out what they are thinking....if I'm incureable, or if it's the craziest thing they've ever seen poking out of me.  She laughed and told me to NEVER do that, and didn't I know that Doctors have very little personality and noone should ever try to read their body language??!!  She wished me well and I couldn't have thanked her enough for her expertise, her care, and her time.

After a lunch out with my brother, and a short nap, I was off to have a haircut with my longtime friend L.F. who has cut my hair for over 10 years.  I was feeling long strands already starting to come out so thought I might as well get myself some fun new hair cut before it all falls out.  I was pretty nervous about it...I'd been on a mission to grow my hair for over a year, thought it was the last time before I was almost 40 that I should have long hair.  But, today was the day to go for it! 

While she washed my hair, a song came on over the radio that totally put my mind at ease.  It's a song that throughout my life, has had an important, personal connection to me.  Bare with me...this is a bit of a far fetch connection, one that I have never shared with anyone...but it has had an everlasting effect on my life, and in my opinion, was no coincidence that it occurred on this day...

The last night I spoke to my mom on the phone, in 1988, I phoned to tell her that her favorite singer Rod Stewart was on MuchMusic playing his new song Forever Young....yes - she LOVED Rod Stewart - who didn't in the 80's???....we talked for a minute and then I let her go so we could each watch the performance.  It was the last time I spoke to her because the next night, she was killed in a car accident.  That last conversation with her is somewhat hazy 25 years later, but I have always thought of that song as our connection.  As I grew up, and I would dream of her, this song often plays in my dream.  Whenever I hear it, I feel like its her saying Hi to me and gives me a really great feeling.  As years have gone by, I haven't heard that song in a very long time - one could say its because they don't play that song on the country bumpkin stations I listen to now - or it may be because I have been leading the most rewarding, busy, supportive life that I didn't really need that little extra nudge of support.  But, yesterday, having just had a piece of titanium put in a tumour, after my first of 8 chemo sessions, and about to cut my prized red hair off before it falls out in clumps - I think my mom knew I needed that little nudge.  It made me so happy to hear it, and really put my mind at ease. I left with my new hair do feeling confident and assured that myself, and my entourage of friends, family, and heavenly spirits will get me through this one day at a time.

Forever Young

(r. stewart/j.cregan/k.savigar)

May the good lord be with you
Down every road you roam
And may sunshine and happiness
Surround you when you’re far from home
And may you grow to be proud
Dignified and true
And do unto others
As you’d have done to you
Be courageous and be brave
And in my heart you’ll always stay
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young

May good fortune be with you
May your guiding light be strong
Build a stairway to heaven
With a prince or a vagabond

And may you never love in vain
And in my heart you will remain
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young
Forever young
Forever young

And when you finally fly away
I’ll be hoping that I served you well
For all the wisdom of a lifetime
No one can ever tell

But whatever road you choose
I’m right behind you, win or lose
Forever young, forever young
Forever young ,forever young
Forever young, forever young
For, forever young, forever young

"As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the shoulda, woulda,coulda, buckle up and just keep going." - Carrie Bradshaw

I'm certainly well aware that this chemotherapy course I'm about to endure every 3 weeks for 24 weeks will not be this easy but I'm taking my highlites as they come.  Day 3 after treatment and I feel really good.  No nausea this morning just a slight headache.  Of course this was because an army of people cared for my kids, cooked my meals, visited with me, dropped off food, sent messages, dropped off care packages and did my dishes this weekend.

I felt well enough to take my boys to Max and Ruby yesterday with our friends Deb and Lyndsey.  They LOVED it!  It was actually one of the better "live" versions of a cartoon show we've seen, not that there has been many.  Then we headed home for a nap to rest up for the evening.

 Happily, I woke up to my dearest, oldest, pals sitting on my couch, wine in hand, with our 6 kids running through the basement, Deb cooking appetizers, my brother bursting through the door, and our handsome husbands watching the Grey Cup.  It only took a second for my mind to snap that picture and know this is why, amongst many reasons, I will beat this.  This is what I live each day for - my friends and my family.  Whether I had this cancer diagnosis or not, they most likely would have been doing this exact same thing, only I would have been a little more helpful;)  But I am well aware they made the extra effort to be here for me and for us.  And throughout our evening of over eating, kids screaming, dish doing extravaganza, other friends were dropping of frozen food, sending messages and checking in and a delivering my best yet set of family pictures taken for me at last minute while she was on a week of single parenting...

I just can't even say thank you enough for all the things my friends and family  did for me this week...there's still a big hill to climb in this journey, but I made the first step...

CK

I'll have a caffe mocha vodka valium latte to go please

A fairly restful sleep after first day of chemo.  After waking up at 7 am for an hour to fill up on mediactions, I returned back to bed.  For a girl who never takes more than a few Tylenol, it takes alot of coordinating of all my new medications.  I went back to sleep until 11 and got ready for our annual Girls Christmas.  This is my special 6 girls who I met in Education and are still best of friends 20 years later.  A fantastic group who support each other through all the highs and lows.  They made alterations to their plans just so we could get our day in before I get into the thick of things but also to show me their love and support after hearing "the news".  They sent me home with a bag full of goodies, magazines, books, bath stuff, chocolate. I'm spoiled.

I came home for a 2 hr nap and then got picked up to go to one of these same girls surprise 40th birthday parties!  Fun to surprise one of the funniest, silliest, most kind hearted people.  After a few snacks and gingerales, time to get home and hit the sac.

I'm hoping to get a good nights sleep and that the nausea should almost be gone.  It's a big day tomorrow for boys. Taking them to Max and Ruby! 

So thankful this first experience went faily smoothly.  My weeknd of recovery was conqured by a crew of people.  My hubby waited on me hand and foot, messages everyday of support and good wishes from friends and family, and bags of goodies being dropped off by groups of girlfriends. 

I know there's lots left to battle, but I know I'll be able to do it.

CK

1 down, 7 to go

Today was Chantel's first visit to the chemotherapy clinic. Before I finished parking the truck, she was checked in, pitted in, hooked up and ready to go. Every single one of the staff in the ward greeted, smiled, explained and comforted as they hustled from patient to patient. Chantel's main nurse, Karen, guided her through every bag of medicine and made sure she was completely comfortable.

2 1/2 hours and numerous bags of sleep agents, steroids, meds, and flushes later, it was all done. The only bumpy spots during this session was the injection of the "red medicine" which burned her vein somewhat, and the removal of the needle at the end of it all.

Special thanks on the day goes to Chan's old friend KW, who likely had a hand in Chan's expedited treatment and the special attention she seems to be receiving. We are blessed to have tremendous supports throughout this journey and are more thankful than we could possibly express.

Not even sleep aides or radioactive materials in her system could keep Chan from shopping. She had enough energy left to try on wigs and shop for a bottle of wine. Kudos to the ladies at Pink Tree for making Chan feel special and ensuring she'll still be beautiful when her famous ginger locks begin to leave.

Carrying on with the shopping theme...Deb came by to keep her eye on Chan while I went to get more prescriptions filled, etc. Of course by the time I returned, they had a Christmas shopping plan completely cooked up.

Since the treatment, chan has described herself as feeling flu-ish and weakened. The flu-like nausea comes on when she's tired. So she should get more sleep. (I'm starting to see where Lukas gets his disdain for sleep from). Otherwise, other than losing all her natural color, everything seems to be going well.

Tomorrow is a Christmas party with "the girls", if she has the energy. I'm sure she'll find it somewhere. She promises to put up a post tomorrow as well. Until then...

The first visit to ABCC

Its me, updating on behalf of Chantel, who is sleeping peacefully for the first time in a few weeks. At least I believe she's sleeping peacefully...

Today was the highly anticipated initial visit to the Allan Blair Cancer Clinic. Chantel was joined by her medical and moral support Entourage of myself, Michelle and Justin at every stop in the visit. She was set up in the internal pharmacy, admitted into the unit, and given a lovely commemorative bag full of propaganda that will prove useful once we have the time to read it. We were definitely the youngest people in what was a very busy place, and were probably a little imposing when travelling as a posse. 

We got to meet Chantel's new best friends, Dr. Kakumanu and his nurse Jennifer. We've heard great things about this duo, and we were comforted by their explanations and answers to our questions. 

Dr. Kk informed us that all tests showed no signs of the cancer spreading into other parts of her system, which is a relief because our minds had wandered into other worries over the past couple of weeks. 

At this point, the plan is: 4 sessions of the F-E-C chemo cocktail delivered 3 weeks apart, 4 sessions of docetaxel delivered 3 weeks apart, surgery to remove the cancerous cells, radiation  and then possibly hormone therapy. The results on whether the cancer is hormone receptive won't be in for a couple of weeks, which will clarify the course of hormone therapy at the end of it all. 

Of course, Dr. Kk had to give us the facts and percentages of success, etc, but he was very comforting and reassuring that they will be aggressively treating this aggressive cancer. 

On that note...Chantel's first chemotherapy session is set for tomorrow at 8:30am. This was a bit of a surprise, but a welcome one since Chantel doesn't want to give this disease one more good day in her body. We may not be totally set on the homefront, but its more important to get this thing rolling. Mom has the boys for the weekend, so we can get most everything set in the next couple of days.

We wrapped up the day with a ceremonial little supper at Moxies with M&J to thank them for the unbelievable support they've provided to this point. In a perfect world, no friends...no matter how good...should have to hear what they've heard and deal with what they have with us. This would have been a different experience without them and we'll have a hard time paying them back. 

The offers of support from everyone else have been overwhelming. Thank you all. Now the bumpy ride begins and we may call in your offers at some point, who knows. In the meantime hug your family a little tighter and keep putting out the positive vibes...its working so far.  

Talk to you tomorrow after session #1. 

LK

Bone Scan, CT Scan, and Mugu - CHECK

"Sometimes you will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory."


Happy to be done the first segment of post diagnosis tests.  All very interesting to think about these amazingly complicated machines and how they are scanning, reading, and photographing the insides of your body after you've taken in radioactive substances and dyes...I was hoping to gain some extra special spiderman-like qualities, but doesn't look like it happened.  Yet.

I am feeling well.  Fit in our yearly family pictures with Drawn Daisy Photography, got some Christmas shopping done, and completed our first Parent-Teacher-Student conference with Lukas's teacher.  All rescheduled and packed into my last week before we start battling this stupid poison in my body and get it outta me!  Crossing my fingers there are no more surprises with the results of these tests.  But, if they do, onward we will go. 

Positives from this segment of the unbucket list journey:

**My husband is making a fabulous chauffeur and copilot - as always

**I have met MANY very friendly, funny nurses along my visits that have made me smile and giggle away my nervousness

**I have most likely shaved for the last time for a while ;)

B2W

New outlook

What a weekend!!?? After a lovely supper discussing baby names over delicious pasta and red wine celebrating our friend's early retirement (mat leave actually;), a tough day of contacting friends and family. But we made it! A team effort, like only the L&C combo can do! We contacted, personally, as many people as we could fit in. Emailing others who are just as important but out of time and energy.
Very draining. Very exhausting. Very emotionally spent.

The funniest thing that happened in a discussion.... Swapping names of wig shops with my grandma. Who knew?!

Onto the next segment of the battle, getting through all the tests. Starting the week with a teeth cleaning. I read it was one of the things to do before starting chemo. Gets rid of some of the bacteria that could compromise your immune system. Look at all the useless info we're now full of?! After a bone scan and a CT, I will meet my new best friend, my oncologist.

Thankful for time to talk with an old friend who works at the cancer clinic who has really set my mind at ease that I can do this. I know it won't be easy. But I can do it.

Here. We. Go.

B2W

Day 3, AD

Nothing much new on Thursday. If anything, it was the unenviable task of informing her coworkers, my coworkers, JJ, Garret, Kristi and Lesley. Chantel maybe slept 2 hours the night before, so yesterday was undoubtedly one of the longer days of her life.

A very good friend of mine tipped me off to a blog that Bob Lowes' (former coach of the Pats) wife started to keep everyone informed during her journey. wecanwithlove.blogspot.ca/. I read it front to back and it was highly informative. Chantel was obviously moved by it too because she has started setting one up at http://ratherbshopping.blogspot.ca/. Perhaps those are where the daily updates will go in the near future. 

We did reach out to a few experts in the field and have received some excellent information on what we can expect at the Cancer Clinic. We have a pretty good idea who Chantel will be seeing, and we are comfortable with the selection. Of course there are other docs that are highly recommended as well, but they all seem excellent and we are comfortable with the information we've received.

As far as the appointment on Thursday, we are told to expect them to really get the ball rolling. Its safe to assume the doc has already seen her pathology and has an idea of what kind of treatment he will offer. Of course he won't get the bone scan or ct scan results until next week but he will have them for Thursday. These results, along with the pathology will give us a very accurate picture about what she's up against. We're told he has likely already booked her chemo, but we will find this out on Thursday also. From reading Lowe's blog, we already know to get Chantel on the physiotherapy list, which has a 4-6 month waiting list. I suspect we'll be maxing out our group insurance plans in the coming months. 

Today is a cardiac wall motion study at 11:45. I seem to recall Dr. Tin calling it an EKG, but we were fairly stunned at the time and may not have had the right acronym. We now know to ask whether she is getting an echo or MUGA done as well, which will stress-test her heart for upcoming treatments. 

Chantel is right now delivering the news to her students, and will be leaving shortly after. They have a counsellor on site for students, but nobody really knows which way it will go. It'll will likely be a rough one because Chan will be leaving for a week and who knows when she'll be back. It may feel like a "goodbye" but it'll really only be a "see ya later". Tonight is a supper at the new Fortuna Ristorante for Karen Mulatz's early retirement. Its a super-special occasion to meet up with those two and we won't be ruining their night with our bleh. Other than that, from here out it will be on a need to know basis for everyone…no need to spread the word and cause any undue hysteria. 

That’s all for today. Over and out. 

Day 2, AD

With a few final phone calls, the program of tests that will determine the treatment plan for Chantel is pretty much set. 

Friday – ECG to set baseline statistics for Chantel's heart functioning. This will be used as medications are introduced to make sure they aren't adversely effecting her heart. 

Monday – Bone scan, to ensure that nothing has spread into the bones. She gets an injection before the test so everything should show up clearly. 

Tuesday – CT scan, to inspect the surrounding organs to make sure nothing has spread into those systems either. She gets to take a drink of some dye so everything shows clearly there. 

Thursday – appointment at the Cancer Clinic to meet with Oncologist to review the results and come up with a plan. This is where we are doing some investigating into who within the clinic might be the best fit for Chantel, but it sounds like everyone there has a good reputation. 

That’s about as far into the crystal ball that we can see for now. The next level of enlightenment should come after Thursday we hope. Yes we would have liked to have the tests be done immediately and all sci-fi-style like they are on CSI or Dexter, but this is obviously all as fast as they can go. 

Yesterday was a day full of strategically spreading the news. Chantel and her principal worked out a plan to inform the PB staff this morning, then the parents of her students overnight, then her students on Friday. Its actually quite amazing the planning and support her principal is putting behind this one. Chantel must be important out there. 

Chantel is working all day today, then she'll be informing her students tomorrow, then leaving for the ECG testing. She's taking all next week off…not necessarily because of the tests, but more for continuity for the school and the students. 

Other than that, we've informed Mom, Aunt Laurel, and some close friends that we don't want to learn via email or text. A few more close friends will find out tonight, and we'll be putting out info to everyone else as needed. In advance of her meeting with all staff, and the notice to parents, we have shut down the ability to post on her Facebook timeline to avoid any sort of potential murmurings. 

We've also assembled a binder of information to keep track of all the moving parts on this adventure…its become that crazy. Chan has also started to set up a blog, so she can share her thoughts, experiences and feelings while she's kicking the shit out of this thing. Hopefully she allows guest writers.

That’s all for today. Wear Pink. B2W. Giver. As you were. 

LK

From the surgical pathology report

Thankfully we had the wits about us to ask for copies of the MRI results and surgical pathology reports...although at the time all we called it was paperwork. Its been helpful in our own research while trying to gain an understanding of what we're dealing with. 

The exact technical description of Chantel's condition is: grade 3 invasive duct carcinoma (IDC), with the carcinoma growing into the vessels of the lymph node beneath the mass. They also note that an interdepartmental consultation has been obtained on the diagnosis, so we're not relying on a surgeon or GP's interpretation of the results. 

This should give you all the information you need to navigate through /www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/types/idc to get a much clearer picture of what's going on. As you follow the links from diagnosis, to clarification of type, to treatment…everything appears to be going according to the script. 

I've found the breastcancer.org site very informative on a number of fronts. I'm sure there are a number of other useful sites, but this one is a good start. 

LK

Day 1, AD

Well the one day at a time is off to a hectic start. After receiving the news yesterday and taking our time to gather ourselves, we overheard Dr. Tin booking Chantel in for all her tests and her directness seems to have worked. The phone has been ringing off the hook and so far the following is booked:

Friday – ECG tests to set a baseline for Chan's heart functioning

Monday – Bone scan to make sure nothing has spread into the bone structure beneath the mass

Tuesday – CT scan to make sure nothing has spread to her liver

Dr. Tin also pre-ordered all the blood tests that the Cancer Clinic would want when developing their chemotherapy plan, and we went straight there to get them done. 

With all these reports a treatment plan should be in the works by mid next week. It would have been nice to get more done this week, but I suppose we have to give them a little slack because of this shortened week. But they are calling back to reschedule as openings arise so who knows it might be sooner. 

Yesterday's task was informing Chan's Dad, brother, Deb, "the girls", Chan's Principal and Vice Principal of the news. Today will be Mom and Aunt Laurel, etc. We'll roll it out from there as needed, but will definitely be avoiding referring to it in social media in any way, and we're making everyone else vow to do the same. 

I'll send some of the specifics from the report to you so you know what we're dealing with when you inquire with your experts. We're even keeping a binder of information just to keep all this stuff straight. 

I seem to recall Pastor Carla referencing some story about mountain tops and deep dark valleys in life and marriage. It'll be a climb, but Chan will get back to the mountaintop with our support the entire way. That mountaintop may be 2 weeks on a beach in Aruba, but you get the idea…

Love you all. 

LK 

Yes, unfortunately its true

If you've gotten this far, you've probably read an update from Loni, or been directed here by a friend. I'll be posting the first few updates that Loni provided to family, and from there him and we will take turns posting information, feelings, ramblings and inspiration throughout this little detour in life.

Thanks to Nathan Morrison for directing us to Shelley Lowes blog wecanwithlove.blogspot.ca. It was an informative read and is the inspiration behind this collection of thoughts. Hopefully we get to meet her some day.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for caring. Thanks for your support.