2 to go
Another treatment under my belt. My super duper mother in law took in her first chemo treatment with me so Loni could attend a workshop. I think it made her feel better to see it wasn't as terrible of a place as she thought it was in her head. She didn't love seeing them access my port, or as Loni calls it, "my vampire bite". Where he then watches the color from my face slowly leave as the drugs hit my body. She also got to see how friendly and caring the nurses are, and that considering its a fairly serious procedure, it all moves along quite smoothly and painlessly. The best part is the outstanding rule that, afterwards, we get to pick a place for lunch!
I found myself this week having to review my Oprah notes. It was probably my toughest, more mentally than physically. The most achiness I've felt, along with the most tingling of pins and needles in my feet and hands, and physical and mental exhaustion gave way for quite a grouchy mommy and wife. Then a sick kid up all night in the middle of this almost did me in. But again, my mother in law came to the rescue. She's an amazing, selfless woman who has always been there for us, and continues to go above and beyond.
Along with my Oprah notes, I read from the couple of books I have on the go about other ladies who've beaten this crappy disease. As I get into the sixth month of this journey, I can confirm this is as much mental as physical. Feeling a mix of emotions as we head towards the finish line of chemo treatments, is exciting and terrifying at the same time. As the physical pain increases, it is exciting to be so close to being done. But as we head into unfamiliar territory of more tests and surgery, I can't help but feel scared of what lies ahead.
Luckily, the fog these treatments cause, always lifts just before I head to my next treatment and I feel more positive and can see more clearly. I know I can do this and can handle what ever comes my way. I have the very best people here to support me and give me all the support I need to head into the next phase. My head is up and my fists are ready.
Friday 26 April 2013
Tuesday 16 April 2013
"Gratitude is the single biggest force changing your energy field from negative to positive. "- Oprah
3 to go
A busy, busy week of a fashion show fundraiser, chemo treatment, and a short trip to see Oprah! Needless to say, I'm a little bit tired from a whirlwind 4 days. But what an inspirational, motivating, fun four days!
The Power of Pink Fashion Show for the Breast Assessment Clinic was a real success. $90000 was raised!!
The money will be used to purchase a biopsy machine for the clinic. Also,
$15000 will be given to the physiotherapist and trainer who work with ladies to rehabilitate after surgery. These two ladies are very much dedicated to helping breast cancer survivors live strong, confident, healthy lives and will without a doubt, appreciate and benefit greatly from this money.
It was such an awesome feeling being apart of this fundraiser and knowing exactly where the money was going.
I was apart of the first POP with my friend who was a designer. To see what it has grown into is truly amazing and inspiring. Never did I imagine I'd be walking down the runway trying to prove to myself, and others, that women can beat this crappy disease with some sass and some spunk. But we did it. And we are proving it.
I never asked to be apart of the pink club, but it has given me a vision and purpose to forever help others from being in this situation and to support them when they are in the middle of it. I hope I can help in the years ahead with POP and many other areas of the "Pink Club". Although, my runway career was a one time deal!
I cannot thank the four tables of friends, coworkers and family enough for their support. They had the best seats in the house, right at the end of the runway. With their cheers and flashing cameras, I felt so loved and motivated to continue this fight with the courage and positive attitude I have tried so hard to do. My support team has given so much of their time, energy, and money to help me see this through- I can't imagine others not having the support I have had from day one. I just can't express enough gratitude to everyone.
It was a quiet chemo treatment the next day. I was so tired from my catwalk debut, I slept the entire time. Loni passed the time at his makeshift office while I dreamed of hitting the runway in New York. ;)
A couple o days later, A group of us then headed to see our hero, Oprah. Probably not a more crucial time in my life to hear such an inspirational woman share some of the things she's learned throughout her lifetime.
So many "A-Ha!" moments. But these specifically stood out for me:
I am the master of my fate. The captain of my soul. Anything is mine if I will it towards me and put all of my energy into it.
Thankfully, my wonderful husband and partner is working so hard to allow me time to put all the energy I have into beating this disease. Whether its giving me quiet time to rest, attending fashion shows, entertaining the boys, filling my water bottles, icing my legs, cooking and cleaning, the list is endless. I often think of how I would have handled this if the roles were switched, and I'm really not sure I could have shown such strength.
By allowing me to be the master of my destiny, while by my side every step of the way, we are beating this together. I am so grateful for his strength, his humour, his dedication to our family, and his commitment to me. I am a very lucky girl.
A busy, busy week of a fashion show fundraiser, chemo treatment, and a short trip to see Oprah! Needless to say, I'm a little bit tired from a whirlwind 4 days. But what an inspirational, motivating, fun four days!
The Power of Pink Fashion Show for the Breast Assessment Clinic was a real success. $90000 was raised!!
The money will be used to purchase a biopsy machine for the clinic. Also,
$15000 will be given to the physiotherapist and trainer who work with ladies to rehabilitate after surgery. These two ladies are very much dedicated to helping breast cancer survivors live strong, confident, healthy lives and will without a doubt, appreciate and benefit greatly from this money.
It was such an awesome feeling being apart of this fundraiser and knowing exactly where the money was going.
I was apart of the first POP with my friend who was a designer. To see what it has grown into is truly amazing and inspiring. Never did I imagine I'd be walking down the runway trying to prove to myself, and others, that women can beat this crappy disease with some sass and some spunk. But we did it. And we are proving it.
I never asked to be apart of the pink club, but it has given me a vision and purpose to forever help others from being in this situation and to support them when they are in the middle of it. I hope I can help in the years ahead with POP and many other areas of the "Pink Club". Although, my runway career was a one time deal!
I cannot thank the four tables of friends, coworkers and family enough for their support. They had the best seats in the house, right at the end of the runway. With their cheers and flashing cameras, I felt so loved and motivated to continue this fight with the courage and positive attitude I have tried so hard to do. My support team has given so much of their time, energy, and money to help me see this through- I can't imagine others not having the support I have had from day one. I just can't express enough gratitude to everyone.
It was a quiet chemo treatment the next day. I was so tired from my catwalk debut, I slept the entire time. Loni passed the time at his makeshift office while I dreamed of hitting the runway in New York. ;)
A couple o days later, A group of us then headed to see our hero, Oprah. Probably not a more crucial time in my life to hear such an inspirational woman share some of the things she's learned throughout her lifetime.
So many "A-Ha!" moments. But these specifically stood out for me:
I am the master of my fate. The captain of my soul. Anything is mine if I will it towards me and put all of my energy into it.
Thankfully, my wonderful husband and partner is working so hard to allow me time to put all the energy I have into beating this disease. Whether its giving me quiet time to rest, attending fashion shows, entertaining the boys, filling my water bottles, icing my legs, cooking and cleaning, the list is endless. I often think of how I would have handled this if the roles were switched, and I'm really not sure I could have shown such strength.
By allowing me to be the master of my destiny, while by my side every step of the way, we are beating this together. I am so grateful for his strength, his humour, his dedication to our family, and his commitment to me. I am a very lucky girl.
Tuesday 9 April 2013
Life is mostly froth and bubble, but two things stand like stone, kindness in another’s trouble and courage in your own." - Princess Diana
4 to go
I can't lie, I am so excited to know I have one month left of treatments! I have been so amazingly lucky to have minimal side effects but am looking forward to not feeling so tired and foggy. Four treatments seems so doable after completing twelve so far.
I have had some leg pain this week, and the most numbness in my fingers I've felt so far, but nothing some Advil can't handle. I had such good intentions of getting to both Level 10 workouts but I had another sick kid today. I felt so good last week, I actually was able to put some extra effort into my exercises.
I'm excited, and scared as hell, to be apart of The Power of Pink Fashion show this week. "The Power of Pink returns – a lavishly cosmopolitan evening showcasing Saskatchewan talent, including a fashion show, hors d’oeuvres, and an auction of original art and jewelry created by local, renowned professionals and celebrities. All proceeds benefit the Hospitals of Regina Foundation and Pasqua Hospital’s Breast Assessment Centre."
Professional models will strut their stuff on a runway in Saskatchewan Designers' clothing, while the finale features women who are in the middle of or who have beaten breast cancer, and will wear a specially designed piece as well as walk with a celebrity. I cannot believe I'm actually going to do this??!!
500 pairs of eyes on me, while I walk a runway. I spend half my life in a pair of gym runners and Lulu Lemon pants. Not to mention I'm wearing a wig and puffy from chemo and lying around for 5 months. But, it was such an honour to be asked, and I will forever use this experience to help others. The breast assessment clinic is an important place in diagnosing women and if it means I have to do something WAY out of my comfort zone, I'll do it. My husband's work, Captive Audience, generously bought tables to attend and show their support. And I have 16 friends and family who bought tickets to continue their unfailing support. I really can't thank everyone enough for such a large donation of their money but also their time and energy. I'm looking forward to having all of us be a part of such a special evening.
I can't lie, I am so excited to know I have one month left of treatments! I have been so amazingly lucky to have minimal side effects but am looking forward to not feeling so tired and foggy. Four treatments seems so doable after completing twelve so far.
I have had some leg pain this week, and the most numbness in my fingers I've felt so far, but nothing some Advil can't handle. I had such good intentions of getting to both Level 10 workouts but I had another sick kid today. I felt so good last week, I actually was able to put some extra effort into my exercises.
I'm excited, and scared as hell, to be apart of The Power of Pink Fashion show this week. "The Power of Pink returns – a lavishly cosmopolitan evening showcasing Saskatchewan talent, including a fashion show, hors d’oeuvres, and an auction of original art and jewelry created by local, renowned professionals and celebrities. All proceeds benefit the Hospitals of Regina Foundation and Pasqua Hospital’s Breast Assessment Centre."
Professional models will strut their stuff on a runway in Saskatchewan Designers' clothing, while the finale features women who are in the middle of or who have beaten breast cancer, and will wear a specially designed piece as well as walk with a celebrity. I cannot believe I'm actually going to do this??!!
500 pairs of eyes on me, while I walk a runway. I spend half my life in a pair of gym runners and Lulu Lemon pants. Not to mention I'm wearing a wig and puffy from chemo and lying around for 5 months. But, it was such an honour to be asked, and I will forever use this experience to help others. The breast assessment clinic is an important place in diagnosing women and if it means I have to do something WAY out of my comfort zone, I'll do it. My husband's work, Captive Audience, generously bought tables to attend and show their support. And I have 16 friends and family who bought tickets to continue their unfailing support. I really can't thank everyone enough for such a large donation of their money but also their time and energy. I'm looking forward to having all of us be a part of such a special evening.
Tuesday 2 April 2013
@WomenOfHistory: Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself. -Lucille Ball
6 to go, 5 to go
Made it through 2 treatments in 6 days! The Allan Blair clinic was closed Friday because of the Easter long weekend so they scheduled me in a day early. I have felt pretty darn good, the rest of my family is a different story. All of the Kaufmann boys suffered the last week with fevers and colds. I was able to take care of them for the most part, although Loni was pretty much left on his own. I was a little scared to go too close to him with the germs flying everywhere. Thanks to the help of my dad and Deb we had a nice Easter weekend considering most of us were under the weather at some point.
I'm spending lots of my free time reading about side effects of my treatment, and preparing myself for upcoming surgery. Still not sure if I'll do a double mastectomy and/or reconstruction. So much to learn and understand. The info can be so overwhelming. And also frightening. Some days I wished I didn't know what I know. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. The long term side effects of some of the drugs I'm taking to battle this tumour don't seem all that positive- but there's really not a lot of choice - has to be done. My doctor doesn't recommend a bilateral mastectomy but most women look at me as if I'm crazy for not doing it. Reconstruction seems to add so much more time and pain to this whole experience, it's difficult to decide if its worth it? So much to learn. So much to take in. So many facts, opinions, and personal experiences to sort through and decide what is best for myself and my family in the long term. I'm so thankful things are going well but it gets frustrating putting your life on hold. I'd like to get through this as efficiently as possible so we can put it behind us and carry on with all of the experiences we have yet to be apart of together. I'm determined for us to get back to "normal". I know our new "normal" may look slightly different, but I'm committed to keeping some of it the same. I'm so appreciative of all the help I get so I can continue to meet my girlfriends for supper, go to the gym, volunteer... But it still isn't with the same energy I can do these things so I look forward to the day when I feel like my old self, maybe even a better self. A new me to carry on with all the things I love to do for myself but mostly for my family and friends.
Made it through 2 treatments in 6 days! The Allan Blair clinic was closed Friday because of the Easter long weekend so they scheduled me in a day early. I have felt pretty darn good, the rest of my family is a different story. All of the Kaufmann boys suffered the last week with fevers and colds. I was able to take care of them for the most part, although Loni was pretty much left on his own. I was a little scared to go too close to him with the germs flying everywhere. Thanks to the help of my dad and Deb we had a nice Easter weekend considering most of us were under the weather at some point.
I'm spending lots of my free time reading about side effects of my treatment, and preparing myself for upcoming surgery. Still not sure if I'll do a double mastectomy and/or reconstruction. So much to learn and understand. The info can be so overwhelming. And also frightening. Some days I wished I didn't know what I know. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. The long term side effects of some of the drugs I'm taking to battle this tumour don't seem all that positive- but there's really not a lot of choice - has to be done. My doctor doesn't recommend a bilateral mastectomy but most women look at me as if I'm crazy for not doing it. Reconstruction seems to add so much more time and pain to this whole experience, it's difficult to decide if its worth it? So much to learn. So much to take in. So many facts, opinions, and personal experiences to sort through and decide what is best for myself and my family in the long term. I'm so thankful things are going well but it gets frustrating putting your life on hold. I'd like to get through this as efficiently as possible so we can put it behind us and carry on with all of the experiences we have yet to be apart of together. I'm determined for us to get back to "normal". I know our new "normal" may look slightly different, but I'm committed to keeping some of it the same. I'm so appreciative of all the help I get so I can continue to meet my girlfriends for supper, go to the gym, volunteer... But it still isn't with the same energy I can do these things so I look forward to the day when I feel like my old self, maybe even a better self. A new me to carry on with all the things I love to do for myself but mostly for my family and friends.
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